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A Different Kind of November Challenge

17 Responses

  1. Excellent! Thank you.

  2. rumourwriter says:

    Reblogged this on Life of Brian and commented:
    Movember – let’s go guys

  3. Dan_Dlion says:

    Reblogged this on Outside The Fish Bowl and commented:
    I’m going to give this a shot.

  4. Absolutely love this approach. I concur, it can be absolutely lifechanging to be grateful for the difficulties. Great post, great reminder, and a great challenge, I may just take you up on that!

  5. Hello. I don’t want to be pedantic about semantics because I think the direction of this post is fantastic. You have suggested to find 10 things about your greatest “challenge” to be grateful for. However, in the post that you link to, you have listed nine things to be grateful for your ex-husband / ex-marriage and only one thing to be grateful for the challenge of the break-up itself.
    I would love you to expand on your tenth point.
    I say that with the greatest of respect for you. That is because many divorce websites focus on getting over ‘it’ and then leave you stranded. Your website has been different because there is positivity in the moving into a better life. That better life would not have occurred without the challenge in the first place.

    • He was my biggest challenge. More specifically, getting past the anger I carried was my largest obstacle towards healing and the issue that held me back the most. The post was me facing my biggest challenge – allowing the acceptance of the positive feelings I once had so that I could release the anger. Hope that makes sense:)

      • I understand now your linked post. Reading it again, I feel that is is great. I have now made a similar list. thanks
        I have two more questions. Firstly, did you ever send him the list? Secondly, when you look back now, does the anger spring up, or the gratitude?

        The reason I ask is that i too am finding this bit one of the hardest to deal with – the subtle anger that still lives underneath, even though I am not inherently an angry person.
        Sometimes I feel that i can let go and ‘forgive’. At other times I think that he knew that I am by nature a caring forgiving person and that I would forgive him. So it is almost that the very nature of my being able to forgive him gave him the licence to offend me in the first place.

        This (forgiving the offense) of course is different than a gratitude list as that list (for me) goes right up until the time of the offense and then there is still this huge big hole of why, why, why?

        • I have never sent it to him. I have had no contact with him since he sent the text that it was over. I do now feel more gratitude than anger most of the time. I have to work to maintain this. For example, every month I send 1/6 of my paycheck to pay for a debt he ran up in my name (a debt that includes charges he spent on his other wife). Every time I make a payment, I add to a gratitude list of what I am thankful for in my current life. That’s not to say that the anger never rears its ugly head:)

          As to the “whys” – they are there (and will always be) but I’ve made peace with them. Some of that comes from the assumptions I choose to make about what led him down this path.

          I forgive because I choose to believe that he was suffering and lost and did the best he could. I forgive because it is a gift to myself. I forgive, even though I have no hope of true understanding. I forgive to release myself not to release him from his actions and his behaviors – those are his and his alone to deal with.

  6. Aussa Lorens says:

    I’ve read similar lines of advice before and find them so insurmountably intimidating that I can’t even attempt it. Off the top of my head I can think of 1 or 2 things to be thankful about the worst thing I deal with, but . . . those are kind of those generic sorts of cop out responses we use in moments of coping. I’ll have to read yours and see if I can get inspired 🙂

    • It took me a looong time to be able to write the list – years to let it percolate and many hours to get it down. It was not easy. But it was so cathartic when it was over. Good luck with yours:)

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