Envy

I am generally not a jealous person. I don’t mind people that are better looking, make more money, or drive a better car (which is good, since my 13 year old car is pockmarked from hail and covered with pollen!). The one area where I feel the insidious presence of the green-eyed monster is divorce. That’s right; I suffer from divorce envy.

When I hear friends talk about going to lunch with their ex-spouse, I wonder why I have to be in the situation where my lover became an instant stranger.  I encounter discussions about amicable divorces that sound about as stressful as packing away the winter wardrobe and bringing out the summer clothes.  I get frustrated when people make statements about how women always do better in a divorce, after taking all their husband’s money.  And I know some who have.

I have come to terms with being divorced.  I have come a long way with dealing with the pain inflicted upon me.  But some times, I wish I could have had it differently.  A divorce that didn’t have to be devastating.  A husband that didn’t disappear.  Rather, two lives that simply went in different directions.  Of course, if it had not been for the difficult divorce, I would not be on the path I am now.  The hardship is exactly what forced me to re-evaluate, re-balance, and re-learn.  I am thankful for that.

When I saw Christie Brinkley’s interview the other day (and her ex’s response), I immediately identified with her.  So many people including Matt Lauer, it seems), do not understand what it is like to divorce someone who is entirely devoid of empathy and will not hesitate to lie to serve their own end.  She has had a difficult divorce too, and I am sure that it has sent her on a new journey.  I hope that she has been able to find strength and purpose in her new life.  And, I hope for both of us that we are able to be grateful for the blessings in our own situations and not dwell too much on divorce envy.