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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Challenging Fears

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I’m the in clarity-seeking and courage-building phase of a major life change. And like any change, it’s scary. Especially in that wind-up to the actual leap.

I’m very aware that I need to manage this anxiety around the transition, otherwise it will keep be stuck in the same place that is sending me clear signals that’s time for change. But it’s time to replace words with actions. To stop making empty promises to myself and start making decisions.

And it all starts by confronting my fears.

My fears are lying to me, telling me the following –

It’s not that bad.

I can’t do anything differently.

The transition will be hard.

What if I make the wrong decision?

I’ll go broke.

I’m failing by quitting.

You won’t be successful.

It’s almost as though my fears earn a commission based off how well they can keep me frozen in place.

Now, I KNOW these are lies. But sometimes I struggle to believe it.

So today, I sat down with a journal selected solely for this transition and challenged each fear in turn-

1 – What is the fear telling me?

2 – What is the worst-case scenario in relation to this fear?

3 – If the worst-case happened, what agency would I still have?

4 – What evidence do I have to refute the claims that this fear is making?

5 – When have I faced a similar fear in the past and what was the result?

Wow. This was powerful stuff. First, simply writing out each fear and exposing it to the light of day helped to reduce some of its power. Exploring what decisions I could make if the worst happened gave me some sense of control and comfort that I would be okay. Counteracting each fear with evidence had the effect of distinguishing between a bark and a bite. And finally, reflecting on how I’ve successfully faced my fears (and worst-case becoming real) in my past helped to build my confidence.

I got this.

And for those of you facing a similar challenge, you got this too!

 

 

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