Five steps to happiness after unwanted divorce –
Are you facing an unwanted divorce? Struggling to believe that anything will ever be okay again? I’m not going to pretend it will be easy. But I’m also living proof that it is possible, even when the divorce is traumatic and its effects long-lasting.
At this point, you may be thinking, “Well, that’s nice and all, but HOW am I actually going to be able to find contentment within all of this mess???”
I hear you.
Believe it or not, that anger and frustration you’re feeling can be a powerful tool if you know how to use it. Somebody has done you wrong. And you’re rightfully pissed. And discouraged. Maybe even on the verge of giving up.
Nothing you can do or say can undo what they have done to you. It is impossible for you to take back what they have taken from you – whether it be your innocence or the years you shared.
But what you CAN do is refuse to give them any more of you.
Things started to change for me when I committed to focusing on my own well-being instead of my ex’s horrific actions and the possible motivations behind them. I began to see any thoughts directed towards him or bemoaning the rubble I was left as the emotional equivalent of feeding quarters into a broken vending machine. I wanted what I could see just behind the glass but no matter how much attention I paid, I was no closer to obtaining it. It was only when I started to “pay” myself, that things improved.
Your ex will NEVER be the source of your happiness. So stop looking for it in their direction. Focusing on what you have lost and how your life is now different will not make you feel any better. However, doing the best with what you have WILL lead to a better outcome.
Do you want more specific advice and concrete steps that you can take?
Check out my course on Udemy. For only $20, you receive unlimited access to 28 videos and 84 journal prompts designed to take you through the common stages and reactions people have to divorce.
Great tips. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for the pain and loss you experienced. I wish you all the love and joy in the world as you reaffirm your personal beauty and value and write better life chapters then you ever envisioned before.
What are your thoughts on forgiving your ex. Accepting that they did what was right for them?? And continuing to love your ex after divorce. (Not in a conditional or expecting way, but because you choose love over hate or indifference, and you want to continue to give them the love they have enjoyed and deserve. – as we all deserve love) Do you believe its possible to do this while also building a life that is not affected by their antics?
Forgiveness is such a personal thing. For me, I needed to forgive so I could release the energy surrounding him and what happened. In my opinion, the ideal position is one of detached compassion. But that is far easier said than done.