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What “I Need Space” Really Means

8 Responses

  1. yup that’s pretty much it. When someone says, “I need space”, the end part is “without you in it.” That’s more than a red flag. It’s a sea of red flags

  2. That being said, sometimes relationships and people CAN be a bit intrusive and stifling. And people are all different in terms of their need of personal space — whether it be of physical space, or of thought, or of activity. Everyone is different. I know I need some. I couldn’t deal with it if my spouse was constantly in my ear and my personal space, and always wanting to know everything I was doing every minute of the day. It simply wouldn’t work for me. So sometimes people CAN be pleading with you to “back off” them a bit, whatever that might mean to them. We are all different. but most of the time when things are really tight and amazing, and then someone pulls back and says “I need space”, it’s a huge red flag.

  3. Ellen says:

    And probably most of the time there is someone or something that is directing them away from the marriage. And probably it’s not anything the spouse has done but more an internal struggle within the person that is saying those words. Chances are they think that life will some how be better away from their spouse..like the grass may be greener…. Try starting every day with a grateful heart and with the motto … What can I do for you today? … Happiness is about thankfulness and giving to others.

  4. Ugh. Painful words. First hand experience. For me those words always marked the end. I remind myself . . . I am better than being with someone who doesn’t want me. That’s hard.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Another winner article! Very thorough in looking at all angles of those difficult words to hear. So much of that was present recently in my spouse who seemed to get lost and influenced by all the wrong people at her work. Sadly enough, I knew she was in conflict inside, but after a year of being gone (some say I was too lenient to be patient for so long) I finally had to move on without her and file for divorce. Luckily I took the advice of a counselor and a pastor to use that time to work on myself and my faith and boy it made things so much easier coming out on the other end of this failed marriage. It really is great advice given by Lisa to work on yourself and find your own center during this difficult time. I heard my pastor recently say that you take care of what is most important in your life, whether that be your faith, your family or other things like friends/freedom etc. It became evident to me what was important to her which made my decision clearer. You just can’t change people if they don’t want to or they don’t see the need to change (or are selfishly acting and don’t care if it hurts you) and the tighter the grip (which seems natural) to try and save your marriage the farther they will run, I had to learn this the hard way. However, even when you tighten the grip they may still decide to stay away and in that case, that person wasn’t committed and would have broken your heart in the future thus losing more time to yourself in a failed relationship, don’t settle for less in life or love. Everyone deserves to be happy, it’s just not where we thought it would be. Some people just don’t value “for better or worse” anymore, commitment and loyalty is so hard to find and should never be taken for granted or pushed away. You’re the best Lisa!!! TTFN, Neil

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