This is a follow up to Court Ordered Pause.
Wow, you all (or perhaps I should say ya’ll…after all, I am a Texas gal!) gave me quite a bit to think about yesterday. Thank you for the responses from around the globe.
Some of the prolonged waiting periods feel absolutely horrific. My divorce took 8 months due to stalling on the lawyers’ part ($$$) and my ex refusing to cooperate (not producing documents, etc.). Those were the longest and scariest 8 months of my life. I was still subject to his financial and emotional abuses and lived in fear of what bombshell would come in the mail or via the phone each day. I can’t imagine that lasting for years.
It seems like most people are supportive of the reasoning behind a waiting period, but that the actuality is something different. As much as I would like to think that it could be beneficial, I guess it is more likely that in marriages where both partners are willing to communicate and try to work things out, they already have prior to reaching the decision to divorce. And, in cases where they have not, a court order is not going to make them cooperate and it simply becomes a stall on the way to the inevitable conclusion. The courts can control a timeline but they cannot control a person. And, as we all know, it takes two to make a marriage work but only one can destroy it.
Many of you pointed out that there is no waiting period for marriage and suggested that a pause on the front end of matrimony may be more beneficial. I can’t even fathom rushing into marriage, but I know people do. This raises some of the same questions, however. Should there be a process for exceptions (for example, friends of mine fast tracked their wedding because he was undergoing treatment for cancer)? And, again, do we really want the state to make this decision for us?
In an ideal world, people would enter marriage consciously, communicate and work to resolve issues and, if divorce is inevitable, enter into it only after other options have been explored and exhausted. But ideal isn’t real. All we can do is make the best decisions for ourselves and our families that we can in our given situation. As for me, I’m happy to be moving slowly back into matrimony with a guy that doesn’t believe in rushing into divorce while living in a state that allows me to make my own choices on the matter.