This one mental shift helped me let go of some of the anger I was holding towards my ex-husband.
Initially, I viewed both of us as characters in some twisted romance turned psychological drama. He, of course, was the antagonist, performing all sorts of unspeakable acts towards me. I was fearful of turning each page, afraid of what horrors would await me. I felt powerless, victimized.
Then I realized, although I may not have the power to write my story, I can shift into the position of the narrator, while still remaining in the story. As the narrator, I have the ability to interpret his actions, guide the story, and shift the focus. I could not control the actions of the antagonist, but I could surely control how I wove them into the story. This guise also allows me to step back from the action, gaining perspective and a broader view.
He will always be a character in my story, but as my own narrator, I choose to make him a minor one.
And then one day you will wake up and he will be nothing more than a dusty program left in the seat…
🙂
It is a strange thing; I do not want him central in my life, yet I want to maintain the positive memories I have of our 16 years together. I think of the memories sort of like a scrapbook; I pull them out when I want, but mostly they just sit on a shelf.
Memories are good if we keep them in a safe place for they are our history..You are a smart woman..I see goodness around you!!
I actually regained some of the happy memories of my marriage after my husband left me. Although we both had been unhappy for a long time, I was still stunned when I came home from work one day to find him gone, leaving me a three sentence note on the kitchen counter, no way to contact him, and a mountain of debt. I found out weeks later via his Facebook page that he had been conducting a months-long affair over the internet and was now with his new girlfriend in a new life in which I didn’t exist. Needing some way to get through the sucker-punch of intense grief and pain that could and would come at anytime, I started using some basic mindfulness and meditation practices. Through these, I began to remember some of the good things about our relationship which had been long-buried under resentment and disappointment. And I’m glad of this, because I would rather keep the memories that are happy and good and let go of the angry and ugly ones. Not to forgive and forget, but maybe as a source of strength.
I am so glad to hear that you are able to retain some of the good memories. I, too, have found that meditation makes it easier to be at peace with the anger and ugly memories.