bounce back

My ex was right. Well, partially right, at least.

In the typed letter (which, for some strange reason, was in duplicate) he left on the kitchen counter after leaving me via text message, he wrote this –

“I know that once you recover from the shock of this you will bounce back and live a happy and satisfying life – a life better and more honest than I could ever hope to offer you.”

I was livid the first time I read those words, almost 24 hours after receiving the text and with no other communication from him. My world was completely shattered. I was honestly afraid that this would literally be the end of me, as the shock and trauma were so all-encompassing. I was fighting to breathe and at the starting line for the fight of my life.

And those two little words – “bounce back” – seemed to minimize and dismiss everything he had done. As though embezzling from, cheating on and abandoning your wife is on par with recovering from the flu and I would “bounce back” and be as good as new after some rest and perhaps some soup.

Needless to say, that’s not what happened.

Well, not exactly.

I collapsed.

I cried.

I shook.

And grieved.

Learned to breathe.

Opened my eyes.

I crawled.

I took some wobbly steps.

And fell again.

I got back up.

Took some more steps.

Got a little stronger.

Went the wrong direction.

Cried again.

Got angry.

Tried to climb.

Too soon.

Declared I would make it.

Secretly doubted it.

Put on a brave face.

Hid a terrified heart.

Started to trust again.

Built a wall.

Started to love again.

Felt foolish.

And hopeful.

Had good days.

And terrible moments.

Wondered if I was broken.

Too damaged.

Tried climbing again.

Fingers bloodied from the effort.

Heart pounding.

But felt good.

Alive.

I hit rock bottom.

And I made it back.

But I never bounced.

I fought like hell for every inch.

Every breath.

Every step.

 

Yet he was right.

I am now living a happier and more satisfying life than I ever did with him.

And I may not have bounced back, but I got there. And that’s the part that matters.