Don’t Believe in Divorce? It Doesn’t Matter

don't believe in divorce

Search for “divorce” on Twitter, and you find countless posts like the following:

don’t believe in divorce….when me and my partner have problems we will sit down, talk and work it out! Commitment for life

As though one can make divorce not real simply by pretending it doesn’t exist. I hate to break it to them, but divorce is kinda like gravity’s impact on an aging body; it exists whether you want to admit it or not.

I didn’t believe in divorce either. I believed in commitment. In working things out. In staying together. However, my husband did not feel the same way.

The problem with the Twitter quote above is that it completely neglects to acknowledge your partner’s view and actions, neither of which are under your jurisdiction.

You may not believe in divorce but if your partner stops believing in the marriage, you’ll change your mind real fast.

I try to remember that these statements are coming from ignorance and a lack of exposure. These are people who have not been touched by divorce. These are people that believe that promises made can never be broken. These are people who think that their wishes are strong enough to ward off any unwanted situations.

I both envy and pity them.

I was them.

I had that certainty, that confidence in my marriage. I believed that divorce couldn’t happen to me because I didn’t want it to. I didn’t realize that my husband had developed a different view. My certainty that it couldn’t happen to me meant that I was blindsided. I was betrayed, not only by my husband, but also by my beliefs.

I worry about those who believe that it can never happen to them. I hope they are right and they never face the pain of lives torn apart. However, I worry that many of them will realize that belief is not enough to hold a marriage together.

The most difficult aspect of any relationship is the acceptance that your partner is an individual with his or her own thoughts and actions. You cannot control them. You cannot change them. All you can do is love them and embrace them while being the best you can be.

Maybe instead of saying, “I don’t believe in divorce,” it should be, “I believe in doing everything possible on my side to ensure that we do not divorce and I hope that you can do the same.”

Now that’s something I can believe in.

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12 thoughts on “Don’t Believe in Divorce? It Doesn’t Matter

  1. Awesome – I like your rewording of the quote/idea. I have written very similar posts multiple times in my blog – after seeing social media friends post and share quotes along the same lines (divorce is not an option). Like you, I have posted about you have to think about both parties involved (then there are some situations where divorce is the best option: abuse for example). Unlike you, I feared divorce was going to happen to me (We hadn’t been married for two years and during a fight, my ex threatened divorce and taking my daughter – full custody. I stayed in my marriage because of fear).

  2. I agree 100% with you. I would say most people would not believe in divorce. We didn’t get married to get divorced of course but a marriage takes two and when one person is not willing to put in an effort- divorce is the only option! Thank you for all your posts!

  3. I am still in the process of getting divorced. Recently my husband expressed public discontent on Instagram that our divorce trial was continued to November (btw, both of our daughters follow him on Instagram). His language was interesting: “Someday I’ll finally be divorced. Today is not the day.” Isn’t he married to someone? Aren’t WE getting divorced?

  4. One of the reasons why considering divorce was difficult for me (and my ex, as well) was our Christian faith. As reality started to hit me, I pored over the bible verses that deal with marriage and divorce, dismayed that they were telling me that God does not allow divorce. God hates divorce, even. When I proposed divorce to my wife, she looked down her nose at me and told me that I was not a Christian if I was even considering divorce. Divorce was not an option.

      1. When it came down to it, I had to think about what Jesus may have been saying when he said that divorce was only acceptable when the spouse has been unfaithful. He didn’t define “unfaithful”.. and I realized that unfaithful does not necessarily mean the other has had an affair or has slept with someone else.

  5. It’s easy for them to say until it happens, where you don’t have any other choice. It’s disheartening when they say, “Just move on.” You can never really feel it until you go through it yourself and that changed you.

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