Reaching a Milestone

Ten years ago today, I awoke excited for the day and for my life. By the time the sun set that night, life as I knew it was gone. 

Those “turn-on-a-dime” moments become so significant after they occur, cleaving our lives into “before” and “after” and leaving us permanently changed. That single day or single moment carries the weight of an entire era, as though that terrible thing didn’t exist prior to that moment of discovery.

At first, that day is heavy. A dreaded anniversary that marks the end of innocence and the beginning of grief. As it approaches, it pulls the memories along with it, threatening to overwhelm once again.

During my first few travels through July 11 after that terrible day, I again inhabited my body on the floor after receiving the text that changed everything. Sharp pains would travel along my ribs, tracing the lines where the wracking sobs violently tore tender muscle. I felt that sudden emptiness, like an unexpected drop on some horrifying carnival ride. Fear would again twist my gut, resolutely wringing out any sense of hope.

That day was a wormhole, providing a direct connection between past and present.

Over time, as the “after” begins to grow, that moment slowly loses some of its weight as the memories gain to lose their tenacious grip. It’s a day of significance but no longer a day to fear or dread.

And then eventually, that day becomes one of celebration. Not for what was lost, but for what has been overcome. It becomes a day that marks progress.

And that’s where I am today, ten years from the day that changed everything. I remember that broken woman keening on the cold, hard floor, but I no longer am that woman. Instead, I am the woman that learned to walk again and stubbornly built a new life from those ruins.

Thank you for sharing!

8 thoughts on “Reaching a Milestone

  1. You are so amazingly strong. And have gotten me through my emotionally cheating ex that I loved dearly (and he loved me), and now into a reasonably happy dating life. I can never thank you enough for your writings and coachings.

  2. RosieJoseph – France – Welcome to both my blogs. Due to my memoir I have had to use change my name after blogging for four years and use my new pseudonym: Rosie Joseph. I thought I would use my parents second names because I know they would be proud of me telling our story. Despite my blog Making this better being about infidelity I am still happily married to my darling husband. The affair happening in our lives encouraged to visit France and we moved to France in 2015 after an eight year love affair with it every summer. But life in France was tough, and we learned not to be afraid to make change, so we moved to Ireland at the end of 2020. I published ‘Making This Better’ the memoir where I share the whole 21 days that RD was not with me and how that affected me, and my journal entries for the first five years after 'The war' happened in our lives. I hoped that sharing our story will help others but I know now it really did from the feedback I have received from all over the world. Six years ago I wrote how I ‘loved my life in France, but I am loving the idea of an adventure more. I have the wanderlust bug who knows where life will take me next!’ Well now I know it took me to Ireland! Always remember what is important in life. The only moment is now. If you like to laugh, cry and reflect, then join me on my adventure. Rosie
    RosieJoseph says:

    Loved it! 12 years in for me, completely different story but it resonates just the same. Would I stop it happening? No. I learnt so much. R ❤️

  3. eileenbowman – Therapist/ Christian Counselor in Knoxville, TN for 20 years, specializing in marriages in crisis, as well as working with individuals, helping them to navigate the many challenges of this life. I was married for 23 years, but unfortunately that ended in divorce due to ongoing infidelity. I am the mother of three adult children. Currently in the empty nest stage in life. My oldest is married while my other two are in college. My experiences have shaped me as a person and have increased my dependence upon God and I have accepted that He truly is more than Enough and His Grace really is sufficient and His power Is made perfect in our weakness. In my practice, I am Extremely passionate about helping couples to thrive and seeing marriages survive the trauma of betrayal. As I’ve walked this difficult road, I have realized that there are many others struggling with similar circumstances that may never make it into my office. I am not alone in many of these struggles and I want to share what I have discovered while in the Refiner's fire. I am on a healing journey myself and breaking free of fear, shame and codependency in my life. I am choosing to use my experiences and struggles to educate, encourage and hopefully inspire others on their journey. Without my Faith and my suppprtive friends, family and community, I could not have walked through this journey with the grace and peace that God has called me to. It Truly is the Truth that sets us Free! My desire is to glorify God in my life. I choose forgiveness daily as a way of life and find it to be incredibly freeing. I hope you will join me on this journey or feel free to share it with a friend who may be struggling with a similar circumstance.
    eileenbowman says:

    11 years ago this coming Sunday for me.. D-Day.. July 14, 2008. I can so relate. Writing about mine now too! Thanks for sharing! I enjoy your writing and your vulnerability!

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