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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Taking a Break From Marriage

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I’m leaving my husband tomorrow.

But don’t worry. I’ll return on Wednesday.

This is my spring break week and since my husband is not in education, it’s a normal week for him. So instead of doing something together as a couple, I’m heading out for a couple days of R&R in nature with my dear friend.

My husband and I will both benefit from this break. He will have time to be the master of his domain – watching television in bed, not worrying about leaving dishes out and spending time with the pups. I will have the opportunity to reconnect with my friend (it’s been a busy school year for us both) and to nurture a different side of myself.

This break gives us both time to reestablish who we are as individuals before we return to life as a couple. It gives us time to miss each other and to remind ourselves why we choose to share our lives.

A break provides space to breathe and time to reflect.

I’ve always found it funny/sad how we all seem to intuitively understand the need for a break between relationships. A time for re-centering and focusing on what makes you, you. It’s a decluttering, an opportunity to shut out the voices of those around you and instead, to listen to your own wisdom.

But those breaks are important within relationships too. Perhaps even more important. Without a break, the lines between “me” and “we” can become blurred to where you no longer know where one begins and the other ends. If there are no release valves, the marriage can begin to feel like a prison as the pressure builds with no means of escape. And when the other person is always there, it’s easy to begin to take them for granted.

Breaks also help to reinforce trust within a relationship. They provide practice in knowing that the other is there even when they are out of sight and a reinforcement that no matter how much we love another, they always retain their own agency. A reminder that control is ultimately an illusion.

Without a break, anything in life can become monotonous or drudgery. We fall into patterns and rest on our habits and assumptions. Breaks provide an opportunity to re-enter our lives with fresh eyes and a restored sense of self.

Peace out, peeps. I’ll see y’all on the flip side:)

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