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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

The Subjectivity of Time And Timelessness of Love

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“I’ve known you since you were zero,” my husband said to my friend’s little girl, the same child whose family I lived with for that first year post-divorce.

I almost corrected him, saying that he had known her since she was one, but I held my tongue in recognition that the distinction wasn’t important.

It’s interesting, Brock consistently adds a year to the time we’ve been together. Right now, he claims a relationship of seven years. A claim that I know is incorrect because seven years ago, I was still a few weeks away from the tsunami that marked the end of my first marriage. It’s one of those dates that is firmly implanted and so it has become an easy reference point.

So it hasn’t been a seven year romance at this point, but it has been six. And that’s starting to feel like a substantial amount of time to me. I used to compare the duration of our relationship to my former one – “It’s only been two years, that’s a drop in the bucket compared to sixteen.”

But six isn’t a drop in the bucket.Β It’s enough time for the veneer of infatuation to wear off and for some habits to wear thin. It’s enough time to go through stuff and grow through stuff. It’s enough time to develop a shared history and to nurture shared goals. It’s enough time for vulnerability to be expressed and for even silly old me to develop trust.

So maybe his adding a year to our relationship just means that in his mind, love is timeless. That the number of years don’t matter nearly as much as the quality of those years.

I like that thought:)

Part of our growing together has been his work to understand how to help me when I get anxious and overwhelmed. I was feeling this way on Monday from the combination of upcoming varicose vein procedures on both legs (thanks genetics!), the stress of preparing for a new teaching position next year and the housework I put off until the summer.

And this is what I awoke to on Tuesday, posted in the order in which I complete my morning coffee routine:



I smiled:)

And if he want to continue to add a year to our relationship, I’ll let him:)

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7 thoughts on “The Subjectivity of Time And Timelessness of Love

  1. I adore this! I say let him keep adding on an extra year too. My partner and I often say it feels like we’ve known each other for a lifetime. Why keep score by the calendar?

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