The Subjectivity of Time And Timelessness of Love

“I’ve known you since you were zero,” my husband said to my friend’s little girl, the same child whose family I lived with for that first year post-divorce.

I almost corrected him, saying that he had known her since she was one, but I held my tongue in recognition that the distinction wasn’t important.

It’s interesting, Brock consistently adds a year to the time we’ve been together. Right now, he claims a relationship of seven years. A claim that I know is incorrect because seven years ago, I was still a few weeks away from the tsunami that marked the end of my first marriage. It’s one of those dates that is firmly implanted and so it has become an easy reference point.

So it hasn’t been a seven year romance at this point, but it has been six. And that’s starting to feel like a substantial amount of time to me. I used to compare the duration of our relationship to my former one – “It’s only been two years, that’s a drop in the bucket compared to sixteen.”

But six isn’t a drop in the bucket. It’s enough time for the veneer of infatuation to wear off and for some habits to wear thin. It’s enough time to go through stuff and grow through stuff. It’s enough time to develop a shared history and to nurture shared goals. It’s enough time for vulnerability to be expressed and for even silly old me to develop trust.

So maybe his adding a year to our relationship just means that in his mind, love is timeless. That the number of years don’t matter nearly as much as the quality of those years.

I like that thought:)

Part of our growing together has been his work to understand how to help me when I get anxious and overwhelmed. I was feeling this way on Monday from the combination of upcoming varicose vein procedures on both legs (thanks genetics!), the stress of preparing for a new teaching position next year and the housework I put off until the summer.

And this is what I awoke to on Tuesday, posted in the order in which I complete my morning coffee routine:

I smiled:)

And if he want to continue to add a year to our relationship, I’ll let him:)

Thank you for sharing!

7 thoughts on “The Subjectivity of Time And Timelessness of Love

  1. Lovely post. Thank you for sharing. Made me smile too. 🙂

  2. I adore this! I say let him keep adding on an extra year too. My partner and I often say it feels like we’ve known each other for a lifetime. Why keep score by the calendar?

  3. A Familiar Stranger – Middlesbrough, North East England – My name is Matthew Williams, single father to two wonderful children, making it up as I go along. I am a blogger and author. I started my blog, Love, Laughter & Truth, in December 2015 as I attempted to make sense of my rollercoaster life following depression, divorce, and my introduction to the weird world of dating. My first book, Something Changed: Stumbling Through Divorce, Dating & Depression, was published in paperback by Sixth Element Publishing in December 2017, and is available to buy on Amazon. You can find my writing at I hope to see you there!. Very best wishes Matthew
    Love, Laughter & Truth says:


  4. isra7726 – A full time Chartered Accountant & a full time mother at the same time keeps me on my toes always (a working mother is still a mother, right?). Maybe that's why I am an fitness enthusiast & a runner too. Then, when I am a bit tired, I love to relax by sitting back & reading fiction or watching movies (usually bollywood). Then sometimes I get bitten by the creative bug and end up making handmade items or cooking up interesting recipes. Often I bagpack & travel places or simply party with friends. I love to explore, observe & appreciate every small thing around me. I always see the funny side of things. Maybe that is why life has played its best joke on me :) Living with a stranger who refuses to accept our legal relationship, I use this space to show my true side that I cannot otherwise reveal back home. This space is a pot in which I can pour out all my thoughts & let them evaporate into the vast world. I am no writer, my rejection back home has set me out on a journey to seek acceptance here from the world. If you wish to be a part of it, do follow me, like & comment on my posts. Your feedback will make a difference, always.
    isra7726 says:

    very nice 🙂 I now make these little reminder notes to myself. Helps stay afloat when you get pulled into the past.

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