Divorce is a death of a marriage.

A death of the future.

A death of your present.

And, in some cases, a death of the past you thought you had.

Like any death, there is an intense sense of loss. Of mourning.

I remember feeling the aching void left behind by his absence. I worried that I would never trust again. Never love again.

I feared the best was over and loss was all that was left.

 

mosaic

 

If you are feeling heartbroken and miserable, these posts are for you:

 

It’s so easy to believe that the way things are right now is the way they will always be. But everything changes. Even suffering.

 

suffering

 

It’s tempting to try to avoid the pain. But you can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself.

 

The Heart

 

When you are in pain, the calendar can be your enemy. How do you handle anniversaries?

 

photo 1-75

 

The pain may have come in a great crashing wave, but it recedes like the tide, slowly and leaving pools behind.

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For a time, I thought I would have to excise all memories of my marriage from my mind like some cancerous growth. It turns out that memories can remain while the pain fades.

 

Life Sucks

 

Are you thinking recursively or using input-output? It matters.

 

photo 4-54

 

We zero in on what we know and what we know is the past, the pain. Try making the belief that the best is yet to come at the center of your heart and aim your thoughts that way.

 

smile

 

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16 thoughts on “I Feel Sad

  1. I have felt so much sadness today an previous days on this vacation that it’s been hard to comprehend or put a name to it until I read it here!!!!

    Thank you for being here…On the. WWW😎

  2. Lots of sadness here. Just heartache of losing my partner who left me and not seeing my little girls ( 1 and 4 years old) everyday. Turning 40 in a couple of months. Coming out of a burn out and moving together to a new house and then she left me after 4 weeks of living there. So I just try to breathe and writing this at work. I like this part of yur post and will try to think of it whenever I feel like this:

    Try making the belief that the best is yet to come at the center of your heart and aim your thoughts that way.

  3. My heart broke, but God and angels mended it. However, I get persecuted daily for things that are not true-stripped of everything important to me, I had to lift my 4 children who we share (not really fairly) to the care of God. My heart has iron buckle around it and only God and helping others can mend it. We did love each other but I knew 3 years earlier when I got disabled that he was going thru the emotions. He lost respect me. 4 kids, full time work, small business, nanny, dinner, husband traveling, my addiction to anxiety meds, and wishing I could connect with my husband. I honored and obeyed his wishes. Now I find myself alienated from my kids, missing my x husband (illusion of his love, he berates me daily, calling me crazy). If I’m crazy, its because I put up with his abusive words and actions for too long. I really thought God would save the marriage, no doubt it was worth saving. Now all the lies brushed under the carpet, its a mess. I have to be the target of the problems in order to defocus on what really happened. Total betrayal of love and honor. He is a good man and I hope he finds true happiness one day.

  4. I’m 5 months into my divorce proceedings, going to end up at a trial and I’m sick about it all. I loved him so much but wasn’t good enough for him. Can’t get over it. So sad

  5. 13 years of marriage, twin 7 year old girls, and two years of separation, and now the impending divorce. I feel lost, but not prepared to lose everything.

  6. Thanks for taking the time to put together the little “I Feel” guides. Very clever idea, and filled with useful content. I think you’re doing a really good thing here.

  7. We are all sisters in this hellish journey, but If I can make it further down the road, I know all of us can. Yes, I have a story and it sucks, including a 56 year old daughter who manipulated her father to push forward on a divorce.
    but, Thats not why I am here right now,
    I want to pass onto you what is helping me, journalling….
    it is what is saving me, write it by hand or on your computer.Please try this…. Please when you put the pain into words , its a release, the pain is in the journal, its safe and you can let it go, just for today, you may have a relapse tomorrow or even tonight , but you can write more about it, when those feelings come back until they don’t come anymore.
    I know I am strong, but many days it did not feel that way, but we have good days and bad days. It is to be expected. I have read divorce takes 3 to 5 years to mend, I am 3 years in and I am not giving it another 2! I will not waste another month while he moved on with a new girlfriend.
    Life is for living, forgive yourself for feeling lousy , journal it away, again and again if you have to,
    If I can do it, so can you. kick the can a little further down the road everyday. We deserve to be happy too.
    The choice is ours, I choose happiness, and in time so can you, I promise and Lisa does too.
    Thank you Lisa for sharing and caring, your work is vital to all of us..

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