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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

5 Surprisingly Comforting Truths

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The hard truth – Knowing everything is an impossible goal.

 

Why it’s comforting –

Ever fall prey to analysis paralysis? Where you become so focused on trying to gather all of the information that you find it difficult to make a decision and take a step? This hard truth highlights the fruitless nature of that obsessive drive. Once you realize – and accept- that it is impossible to know everything, it’s easier to set a focus AND a limit on what you need to know. And then once that is reached, you move forward.

 

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The hard truth – Mistakes are inevitable.

 

Why it’s comforting –

It’s stressful and exhausting trying to achieve perfection in everything that you do. When you give yourself permission to make mistakes, you free your energy towards better pursuits. Furthermore, when mistakes are seen as natural and inevitable, it becomes easier to avoid an emotional reaction to the mistake and take full advantage of the opportunity to learn to do better.

 

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The hard truth – You will be disappointed and you will disappoint others.

 

Why it’s comforting –

Sometimes being disappointed can feel very personal, especially for those of us that have experienced betrayal. On the flip side, disappointing others when you sincerely tried can be a brutal gut punch with a heavy dose of guilt and shame. Yet when you consider those together, it helps to show that the occasional disappointment is normal and not a big deal. Keep your expectations in line with reality, handle disappointment with grace and act in accordance with your beliefs. And then let go of worrying about disappointment.

 

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The hard truth – No number of people can make you feel loved if you don’t love yourself.

 

Why it’s comforting –

Guess who you always have by your side?

You!

You don’t need to be famous or have a ton of Instagram followers to feel loved and valued. You don’t even need a significant other. All you need to fully accept, embrace and celebrate yourself. The rest is gravy.

 

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The hard truth – Certainty – and safety – is an illusion.

 

Why it’s comforting –

We make so many choices out of the fear or loss or the fear of the unknown. We stay with what we know and what seems like a sure bet even when it’s not the right bet for us. Once you realize that even the “safe” choice doesn’t protect from harm, it becomes easier to do what is right for you instead of what appears to have the least amount of risk.

 

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4 thoughts on “5 Surprisingly Comforting Truths

  1. So many good – yet very hard – points. How to love oneself when you feel like you have been your own worst enemy and the disappointment in yourself is bigger than even the spouse (my wife) who betrayed me. It feels like moving a mountain on a daily basis to just make it through and process all the hurt and pain of life.

    1. I think the betrayal/abandonment we can do to ourselves is so much worse than what others can do to us.

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