The Cornerstone of Divorce Recovery

6 Responses

  1. Strong says:

    Lisa –

    You did an an incredible job of answering the question posed in the first line. I found everything that you wrote to be true although I stumbled through my own post-divorce existence one step above survival mode rather than having any logical thought behind my actions.

    One tearful day I signed in online to my credit card statement and realized that my password still had some variation of The Cheater’s first name in it. That set my teeth on edge to the point that just changing that passcode on that site (as well as several others) became my goal for the day. And as you mentioned, just one small goal accomplished is what started the momentum for me to start thinking of myself as a separate entity after 18 years.

    It’s still an ongoing process. But the Good News is that even though I still have too much anger toward him, I can attest that you will NOT be seeing me in an episode of Dateline. (A distinct possibility a year ago…)

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Oh, do I ever get that anger! My family and I enjoyed dark humor where we would come up with creative methods of revenge (one of my favorites involved a locked car, honey and plenty of fire ants!).

      I love your goal of changing passwords! It’s such an easy thing, but so powerful. I made mine a mantra so that I was forced to say it to myself often.

      I think my actions at the time seem more logical now that I have distance to analyze and communicate them that way. At the time, I was largely driven my impulse and emotion. Which led to PLENTY of bad decisions! Some lessons just have to be learned the hard way!

      Keep going. It’s always a process:)

  2. Strong says:

    Thank-you for your encouraging reply. ❤️ Oddly enough, my new password is now also a mantra (that encourages me to look out for me!)

    As I know that you are very happily married now, I always look forward to your posts and marvel at how you can still capture so perfectly all the emotions and thoughts that you had back when your life was imploded Even now, just a year later, I find the hard edges of all his betrayal and bold-faced lies to be a bit smoother in my mind. I purposely have to read some of the notes I made to myself when all that was happening to remember the depths of pain, panic, and anger. I’m not ready to let it go. Not yet. (Oddly enough, The Cheater sent me a text the other day baffled as to why we couldn’t be friends. Idiot).

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Wow – that is a clueless request! I’m glad time is softening things for you:) I like to equate to the effect of a stream on river rock. The stones remain for a long time, but the water slowly erodes the sharp edges and reduces the overall size.

      It’s weird sometimes writing about the past emotion since it’s not part of my day-to-day life. It’s basically like a room that I can visit if I choose to.

      Glad to to hear you’re looking out for you! 🙂

  3. Strong says:

    It’s ongoing. I don’t think the passage of only a year is enough time to fix my inner demons or smooth my emotional rocks.

    Your 30-minute video yesterday was bold and raw. Especially helpful toward the end when you tied all the loose ends together to expose the motivation behind his treachery. In my case, I find that dealing with my ex, The Cheater, is like playing a 4-D chess game. Exhausting, frustrating, and infuriating.

    • stilllearning2b says:

      4D chess is a great way to describe it. Only, I bet the rules don’t stay the same throughout the whole game!

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