Going “No Contact” – Understanding No Contact
No Contact is NOT –
Ghosting is an act of cowardice and cruelty. It is ending a relationship without having the difficult conversations and refusing to give the other person a chance to respond.
In contrast, no contact is an act of self-care and boundaries. It occurs after the relationship ends and the difficult conversations have been had. No contact says, “For my own well-being, I cannot have you in my life.”
A Statement That You Never Loved Them
You can love someone and also understand that they are not good for you (or that you are not good together). The decision to remove someone from your life does not discount the feelings that existed or even still exist. It’s an act of self-preservation. Consider if you developed a sudden and sever allergy to your favorite food. You would have to remove it from your diet, but that wouldn’t mean that it was never your preferred meal in the past.
Removing the Memories
You can eliminate the reality of the person and still treasure some of the memories. In fact, when the stress of contact is gone, you may even find it easier to remember the good times without so much pain, confusion and conflict.
No Contact IS –
Recognizing – And Asking For – What You Need
There is nothing wrong with asking for what you need. It is okay for you to make the decision to eliminate some people from your life. This decision is about you and what you need to be healthy.
Making a Decision to Change
Perhaps you’ve been in an on-again, off-again cycle in your relationship and you’re exhausted. Or, maybe you’ve had a history of allowing your ex to intrude and to take care of them instead of letting them figure it out themselves. No contact is a promise to yourself. It’s you putting your foot down and making the decision to do things differently.
A Sign of Respect and Acceptance
This decision is a sign of acceptance that the relationship is over and it’s a sign of respect to let it go.