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Five Damaging Divorce Stereotypes

12 Responses

  1. Steve says:

    My ex left me for a friend. I knew things were not great between us. She became a bit distant. But she never said anything. I would have done anything to help change the station or even change myself. I never got the chance. She grew cool then out of the blue told me. We have two young children. My heart breaks for them. I. miss my family and doing Family things. What’s strange is I thought overall we had enough joy and fun to outweigh any bad moments. I have terrible anxiety now and live alone.

  2. anonymous says:

    All but the false deadbeat dad stereotype have been misconceptions and judgments I have faced. It deeply layers and complicates my healing process. It’s like a solvent for the glue on the bandaids I’ve finally managed to place over my wounds so that I can begin to heal even though it still hurts. When people say these things, well-meaning or not, it makes those bandaids fall off, exposing the wound and sometimes, any scabbing over comes off with it. I fear that exposed wound is seen as an open invitation for other narcissists or users to swoop in and prey on me. Daily I face situations where I’m running them over and over again in my head. Did hat just happen? Am I paranoid? Did I hear that right? That has been my greatest struggle. Shutting down and not letting many people inside. Letting people write their own stories as to why they think I am divorced and what type of wife I was, and accepting that I can’t control what others think of me or say about me. Believing in myself and trusting my gut is so difficult.
    Thank you for sharing and shining light on this topic.

  3. This was very insightful and spot on. I was (quietly) one of those judgemental people (sometimes you don’t have to actually SAY something for your thoughts to be crystal clear) UNTIL I went through it myself. Financially, it was difficult for a great many years. Nonetheless, about three years after my ex left, I thanked him for making the decision I would never have made. That was over 2 decades ago and I am a much better and much happier person because of it. Excellent post…

  4. Like they, she have her own version and I have my own and there’s the truth. You nailed it!

  5. This was one of your most thought provoking blogs, touched a lot of what I have thought about and am thinking about. I was an honorable father and husband who seemingly did not get credit for it. The divorce was initiated by me after years of dealing with the pain of a broken relationship, the break up necessary to heal and made with that realization in mind. The struggle to remain honorable after the divorce is daily.

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Glad it made you think:) Hopefully the kids recognize (or will) the kind of dad you are. That’s the important part.

  6. Bonnie payne says:

    I have begun to wonder if I will ever get over my husband throwing me away after 29 years of marriage. It’s been a year and I am still crying, can’t get motivated, sit in a depressed heap. I go to therapy every week, which is a big help. This was a great blog. My husband got our lovely house, and I am living in poverty, seems so unfair when he ruined our relationship. Having a pity party today, thanks for your wonderful blog, I loved the book. Bonnie

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Sending you hugs❤️

      Pity parties are okay (goodness knows I had my share) – just make sure you don’t let them go on too long:)

      It’s NOT fair. I know that was one of my biggest hang ups. I wanted fairness. Consequences. I finally realized that there were two ways to restore some balance- he could be doing worse (which I couldn’t control) or I could do better. I made that one my goal.

      I have faith in you that you will be able to use this to make you better.

      And by the way, at one year out, I never thought that I’d be able to move on from the pain either.

      Tenacious baby steps towards your goal. Just keep going:)

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