Marriage and the Fear of Missing Out

3 Responses

  1. vlgould says:

    I was suddenly dumped after 26 years of what seemed like a very happy marriage. My ex had suffered depression and had gone to a clinic after being almost catatonic at the end of a 5 year depressive stint (since one of our twin sons had come out as gay). When I picked him up from the airport after a month away (and $50K poorer), he got in the car and gave me the heave-ho. I found out later that he was smitten with a woman he met there and knew approximately 10 days. Fast forward: He came to realize she was a train wreck. but he’d already left me, our business, and the town he grew up in to be closer to her.

    It’s been 3 years since that awful day and I’m in a relationship again. My guy is wonderful in so many ways, but I have fear and worry about ever getting married again. My question to you is do you feel like your own person in this marriage and do you still have alone time and time with your friends? Do you still have time for adventures that may not include your husband? It struck me when you wrote that you feared living small. I have already had some awesome adventures with my beau, but I still fear the full-on commitment that marriage would entail. I suppose I never have to take the plunge, but when I think about things from a business standpoint (you have to when your finances have been devastated), it may be a good thing. Believe me, it’s not all a business decision – this man is wonderful, committed, and caring. I don’t know if I could ever find anyone so smitten with me!

    But there’s still the fear…

  2. lucy says:

    I took the plunge and left a very unfulfilling marriage, physically and emotionally it was a constant struggle. We were just two different people. I knew this when we got together, but I was in a rush to have it all – house, car, kids, job, you name it – I just couldn’t wait. And then I had it all. But I was empty. I was disrespected, and I disrespected. So now I am on my own. Strong, financially independent, but still empty. Thankful for my two daughters, who drive me to live every day. But inside I’m so empty and lonely. But I completely have FOMO! I don’t want to say yes and settle down with this guy or the next, in case the next guy is even better, or just a better fit for me. I think it’s because I went through so much in my marriage feeling empty, that I never want to feel that way again. Oh the struggles…

    • stilllearning2b says:

      Sounds like you have a lot of awareness. That’s key.

      As a math geek, I have to share the economist’s view of this. Go on a date with a set number of people (I don’t remember the exact number, but it was under 5). Then, pick the next one that’s better than the ones you dated.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: