Seven Strategies a Covert Abuser Uses to Create Convincing Lies

17 Responses

  1. paescapee says:

    I wish I didn’t identify with every word you’ve said in my relationship 🙁

  2. The hardest part about all of these points is that you don’t realize any of it at the time while it’s happening because it’s a slow build up, in layers. And during it all, you’re trusting and even feel guilty sometimes for suspecting any dishonesty. It’s all part of the game, a game you didn’t even know you were playing until it’s too late.

    • So, so true! And that’s a big part of why it is so destructive even after you’re out of – you’re always worried that you’ll miss it again.

    • April L Hadley says:

      I really relate to the slow build up…My husband of 23 years always ALMOST told me the truth and used kindness and physical affection as a form of gaslighting. I too was stuck in a game I didn’t know I agreed to play. My divorce will be final in March of 2018. He broke my heart but he didn’t break me.

  3. StoryGirl9 says:

    Wow. I have experienced every single one of those so many times. My ex (I later discovered) was recording arguments where he would do the “I never said that”, your just crazy, to which I did then sound crazy. He sent those recordings on to mutual friends to make me seem like the crazy one and him the saint for putting up with me for so long.

  4. Powerful words you shared apply not only to marriage. My entire life I believed honesty was the best policy only to discover misrepresentation via lies is more the norm. Sad!

  5. It has taken me 9 months to reloaded that I was not crazy. I saw a layer last weeek. I’m getting the money and filing this week. I was made believed that two infidelities were my fault. I was made believe that my kids problems were my fault. I was made believe that I was too much. I don’t believe that anymore. He manipulated me all this time to make me think I was wrong and he was right. He left 4 months ago after all I did to work things out. He used my crdixt cards payed rent with my checks left huge overdrafts and debt for me. I’m the one ending this legally. Im honest and I have always been. The hell with his lies and his deceit. I hope he turns out to be ok for the sake of his kids. They don’t deserve that.
    I will be happy again. Thank your for your posts it has really helped me to understand I’m not crazy. He did break my heart but he did not break me. I’m still standing.

  6. owlbeblog says:

    I left a man like this years ago, but we have a daughter from it. She is now a preteen and I see this manipulation starting with her. Do you have resources on this type of behavior on children by parents? I don’t want to come across as turning her against him or anything like that but I hate how she always comes home feeling guilty and sad.

  7. I can’t believe there are others out there like HIM. I am so glad I am not alone. I just feel so STUPID for falling for his lies (actually, choosing to believe them) for so many years. Really hoping I make it through this.

    • Find comfort in the fact that many of us (smart, capable, perceptive) have fallen for the same. It’s a combination of their ability to lie and our inability to see (or believe) the truth. It’s something to learn from, not something to beat yourself up over. And you WILL make it through.

  8. Anonymous says:

    When my 7 yo came to me and said ‘mommy, daddy lies’ I knew it was time to get out. I couldn’t then lie to her trying to defend him.

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