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The Two Post-Divorce Milestones You MUST Pass Before You’ve Moved On

7 Responses

  1. Mélissa Villella says:

    Dear Lisa,

    Thanks for this article. I received it via email just as my alarm was going off. It is perfectly timed. You see, I got married on a Superbowl Sunday in 2002. For the past three Superbowl/anniversary weekends, I have felt the double whammy of the two days…albeit in different degrees of pain. This year, ie. number 4 solo, they were more just events with hardly any emotion. I would be lying if I said there wasn’t any at all. What progress! And then this article came in. I cannot express what difference your blog had made in my journey. It helps me mesure my milestones.

    Funny enough, your pic of a hot air balloon and butterfly have meaning for me too. The butterfly as a metamorphysis of my life since separation and the hot air balloon as a side trip I am doing while in Egypt over March break with gadventures on my second solo vacation since Christmas. A kind of sabbatical from my life as an elementary school principal, if you will.

    Don’t ever wonder if your blog is still pertinent after all these years. I am confirming it is.

    Happy Monday!

    Mélissa

    Le lun. 6 févr. 2017 à 05:00, Lessons From the End of a Marriage a écrit :

    > stilllearning2b posted: “The journey from “in it” to “past it’ can be a > long one. There are the practical matters to deal with, the disassembling > of the lives and the parsing out of assets and custodial arrangements. Then > come the emotional matters, the endless tears of grief for” >

  2. Rab says:

    Hey Lisa,

    You are absolutely correct!

    My ex moved someone into the house a few weeks after I left but to be honest, the love was long gone and it meant his focus was elsewhere, so on that I was delighted. He was still pretty awful but at least he was distracted.

    We have been separated for 6 years, and I have been in a relationship for 4 and a half and I still have the odd nugget remaining – I’m not sure if they will ever go to go honest but my (now) husband is amazing and has been very patient as I have slowly recovered from the damage from the previous marriage. It takes time patience and love.

    Rab

  3. em4mighty says:

    recently i accidentally drunk texted my first ex-husband whom i haven’t seen in 15 years because i just wanted to feel close to someone. when he arrived, i realized it was not him i wanted to be close to. so i took that as a good sign. not only do i feel ready to be intimate with someone other than my 2nd ex-husband, but also i wasn’t willing to sell myself short & just hook-up with someone i really did not want to be with (again.)
    i think i might be good on the second one as well. i visualize him with someone else and generally feel relieved that it isn’t me.
    it took me…six or seven years to get to this point–during which time i kept getting back involved with my 2nd ex-husband because i wasn’t ready for these two things.
    so i am pretty happy to be here!
    thanks for the post!

  4. mymitten says:

    Good read!
    The one year anniversary is next week on Valentine’s Day that I found out about my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine…they are still together. I was unsure about how to proceed, or if i was ready to start new relationships (both male and female) and I am now convinced it’s time. It is totally true that only a certain amount of healing can be accomplished alone. Time to stop isolating myself and allow myself to trust someone again.

    Thank you!

  5. wow! I can see that even though everyone’s journey through divorce is different. There are some strong, strong similarities. When I was reading this article, it almost felt like I was saying the words . 🙂

    For me the journey is just starting to begin. Technically I am separated living in the same house. But the thought of her being with someone else has occurred to me more than once.

    I can’t even begin to fathom how I would deal with it.

    So far, my whole attitude has been that of forgiveness and maturity. But I know there is a flood I am holding back somewhere.

    I look forward to reading more from you.

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