Is Divorce Your Only Option?

12 Responses

  1. paescapee says:

    hmmm the trouble is, I think one enters marriage with an idea that the other has a certain level of internal morals; sometimes it just takes ONE event of bad behaviour to make you see the person in a different light. It highlights who they actually ARE as a person. This casts doubt on whether you whether you actually want to be married to this person at all. I discovered (as you did) financial and relational infidelities and, if that’s the only way that this person can figure out how to deal with a problem, it didn’t occur to him to be honest at all, then no, I don’t want to me married to a person like that and I think one is better divorced. It’s about making a decision not to be married, rather than making the decision to divorce (if that makes sense!).

  2. lovefirstnk says:

    I agree with a lot of thoughts in this article. I too learned of infidelity and other bad behavior way too late. The mask fell off of my ex-husband cry dramatically after his indiscretions were revealed. Had I known who he really was I would have never chosen him as my life partner, let alone someone to have children with. In my situation, divorce WAS the only option.

  3. Matt says:

    Thank you for linking to that, Lisa.

    I hope it was clear to anyone reading that I do realize divorce is the appropriate, best, and only choice for people in abusive, dangerous, criminal, or otherwise damaging relationships.

    But I thought that given my general commitment to encouraging people to tackle marriage more thoughtfulness and care than most of us do, it would have been weird for me to champion “Sometimes divorce is the only option” without context.

    And there’s no way to provide context in just a few sentences.

    And there’s no way for me to only write just a few sentences, because I’m entirely too wordy. I need to take some lessons from you. 🙂

    • I like your piece- it made me think:) It’s weird- in my first marriage, I never thought divorce was an option. It made me vulnerable because I trusted it would persevere through any hardship. Now in my marriage, I know divorce can happen. And that realization in a way brings more security because I’m committed to ensure it doesn’t happen. Does that make any sense at all??:)

      • Matt says:

        Yes. Because of how much I didn’t like my parents’ divorce, I spent my youth and early adulthood vowing to never divorce.

        But then it happened. And now I get to be better, both as an individual, and in terms of having the honest and vulnerable conversations that need to happen long before people agree to love one another for life.

        Anyway. Thank you for all you do on this subject which means a lot to me, and your general support of my writing. I hope you know how appreciated and flattering it is.

        Please have a great weekend.

  4. Patrick says:

    That is a mind bending post. We both approach these thoughts from a different perspective but with similar problems (money & debt). What I know in hindsight is that trying to fix (counseling) the problem(s) actually started after the decision to leave was set. I also know, and have been told, not to try and figure out why it happened. My hope is that divorce is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

  5. tracihalpin says:

    I totally agree with you. When I was married we went around saying that saying “divorce is not an option.” There are so many divorced people who said that same thing. Divorce is an option, but like you said it doesn’t have to be the only option.

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