How Do You Know When You’ve Moved On After Divorce?

You Take Responsibility For Your Role

I used to get angry – really angry – whenever somebody suggested that perhaps I had some part in my marriage’s demise.

After all,

He was the one who cheated. He was the one who lied. He was the one who stole. He was the one who gaslighted and manipulated and intentionally kept me in the dark.

It wasn’t my fault.

But what I didn’t understand at the time, is that it was my responsibility.

Not to take on the burden of what happened (or to excuse him of his part).

But to do the hard work of self-reflection and taking ownership of my decisions and actions. So that I could learn from what happened and make different choices going forward.

When you no longer see yourself as a helpless victim and you choose to accept responsibility for your own well-being, it is a sign that you have moved on.

You No Longer Avoid Triggers or Memories

I avoided that road for a long time. I would drive twenty minutes out of my way just so that I didn’t have to go by my old neighborhood, with its sign sporting letters that my husband milled and painted.

In fact, the old house was an epicenter of a circle with a ten-mile radius that, upon entry, would make my skin crawl with its negative energy and promises of unwanted and triggered memories.

And then one day, I drove from my new home on the other end of town to a friend’s house, down the street from the no-go place completely on autopilot. And without realizing it, I drove right past the old neighborhood and felt nothing.

It was the best nothing I’ve ever felt.

And now that neighborhood, that area has no particular vibe at all. It still prompts memories, but they no longer come wrapped in emotion.

When you no longer feel the need to avoid triggers and memories, it is a sign that you have moved on.

Six Reasons You’re Struggling to Move On

Any Talk About Your Ex Has Purpose

In the beginning, words about my experience poured forth from my mouth like blood from a fresh and gaping wound.

Because that’s what they were – my soul was screaming out in pain.

And then, those words became ones of thinking and organizing, trying to make sense of it all. No less driven, but a little more rational.

Finally, it got to the point where I didn’t need to talk about it at all and now when I mention him or the marriage, it’s only because I’m sharing a story about one of the dogs or a lesson I learned about home-improvement. He’s no longer the focus, just a character that happened to be in the background at the time.

When you only mention your ex as part of a story from your past, it is a sign that you have moved on.

You Are Grateful For the Experience

When you can honestly say that it was the worst thing that has happened to you.

And also the best.

It is a sign you have moved on.

Moving on is not getting over.

It’s moving through.

Moving on is not forgetting.

It’s learning.

Moving on is not never feeling pain.

It’s letting the pain go.

Moving on is not pretending it never happened.

It’s in closing that chapter.

And using its lessons to write the next one.