The Four Words That Are Holding You Back (And the Four Words to Say Instead)

12 Responses

  1. Mary Lou says:

    This is a fantastic blog! It’s OK to understand the role other people or situations played in your life. It’s not OK to use those things as an excuse to not move forward and take control of your life. Thanks!

  2. You’re absolutely right. But I also believe in admitting fault…taking responsibility and moving on.

  3. Jana says:

    You’ve been hitting out of the park with your posts lately – I can relate to each and every one! I remember once I went to a therapist who was convinced my father must have molested me when I was a child. Nothing is further from the truth – my father NEVER touched me. In fact, I often wished my father would touch me – to give me hugs, or a pat on the back, or ruffle my hair. In each session, this therapist would tell me how horrible my parents had been and why they were the cause of my issues and I got to the point where I was incredibly angry with my parents for “ruining” my life. The therapist encouraged me to confront them – and I did, over and over (and bless their hearts, they just took it). When I moved, I started going to a new therapist and in my first session, I started listing the ways my parents had screwed up in raising me and how they were the reason I was so messed up. She looked at me calmly and said, “Jana, do you need a mommy and daddy anymore?” Affronted, I told her that of course I didn’t need a mommy and daddy – I was a grown woman! She responded, “Then start acting like it.” She went on to tell me that certainly my parents made mistakes – every parent does – and while I was a child, I was unable to change that and I developed coping mechanisms that were not very healthy – and that wasn’t my fault. But now that I was a grown up, it was my choice how I proceeded. I could continue to blame my parents for all of my problems and never get any resolution or real change – or I could take responsibility for the way I was focusing on my past as an excuse to deal with things in a dysfunctional way – and once I did that, I could choose to learn new skills and react in healthy, productive ways. I made the choice to quit blaming my parents and my life changed (as did my relationship with my parents).

    • Thank you for sharing your story. Brilliant example of what I was talking about! As long as we focus on blaming others, we are keeping ourselves back. Kudos to you- great work!!😄😄

  4. zombiedrew2 says:

    Somehow I missed this one when you first posted it. This is a great post, and it’s one that carries the main theme of all of my writing – personal accountability.

    The only thing you ever have control over is your own choices and your own decisions. Truly, that’s it. You can’t control people around you (and it’s a bad idea to try) and you can’t control the circumstances you are in. But you ALWAYS have control over how you respond to them.

    People are only victims when they let themselves become victims. It isn’t going to always be easy, but there are always choices.

    Thanks for posting this.

  5. I initially blamed my ex for deciding to end our marriage. But recently, I started taking the blame for my part in it. In doing so, I’ve realized that I have the power to change the behaviors and habits that caused my husband to become my ex. In the future, when I find love again, I will be the best version of myself that I never thought I could be.

  6. Amazing. As always

  1. December 30, 2018

    […] From The Four Words That Are Holding You Back (and The Four Words to Say Instead): […]

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