Get Used to Disappointment

I’m feeling bummed.

I have assumed that I would undergo some sort of vision-correcting surgery since I first started feeling the impact of my superbly-crappy vision in high school.

It was supposed to happen six years ago.

And then the divorce happened instead.

And so I’ve been patient.

Every time I’ve shelled out $500 for custom-made contacts, I would tell myself that maybe this would be the last time.

When I failed the mask-clearing exercise to try to obtain my SCUBA certification, I promised myself that I would try again once I wasn’t afraid of my contacts washing out.

Every time I’ve felt my stomach drop when I can’t locate my glasses upon waking, I’ve found comfort in the idea that at some point I would no longer be dependent upon my lenses to function.

I thought the only thing standing between me and my new eyes was my lack of money and my crummy credit.

And now that those have improved, I scheduled a consultation for today.

I never imagined that I would face disappointment.

I’m not eligible.

Not because of my bank account.

Or my credit score.

But because of my prescription.

There’s simply not enough real estate on my eyes to be able to reshape them as much as they require.

It was a shock. I knew my eyes were bad. But I didn’t know they were that bad. And even though this discovery helps me communicate my vision difficulties to others (I think my mom is finally getting it and my husband better not tease me anymore about struggling to hit the target at the shooting range), I’d rather fall within the range of fixable.

Because it’s hard hearing a doctor say that there’s nothing they can do. Even when it’s nothing life-threatening.

Feeling bummed and blind.

Frustrated.

And disappointed.

And oh-so-thankful that I live in a time of custom-made toric lenses that at least allow me to drive and read and function.

Even if I have to accept that I’ll never be a SCUBA diving, sharpshooting pilot.

Thank you for sharing!

13 thoughts on “Get Used to Disappointment

  1. divorceat25 – Texas – I'm a 27 year old PhD student. When I was 25 years old, I ended a 9 year relationship with my ex. I had to deal with the pain of infidelity while continuing to work on my PhD trying to write a dissertation. This is the story of those first months.
    divorceat25 says:

    I’m sorry. Have you tried SCUBA with prescription masks? I’m not sure what the requirements are for passing the mask clearing requirement, but I do know that prescription masks exist.

    Sending many many positive thoughts your way!

  2. 3kids2cats1divorce – Middle aged, stay at home mom to three teenagers, with two fat house cats lounging about. Estranged spouse has moved out to have a midlife crisis. I'm figuring out who I am, how to be a single mom, and looking for a job after 18 years at home raising kids. The kids and cats just want to be fed. Update January 2015: My estranged husband is now almost my ex-husband, just waiting for the judge to sign the papers. I've gone back to college and my youngest kid has started high school, which my local school board has deemed appropriate to start at 7-frickin'-o'clock in the morning. It's been almost three years since the midlife crisis blew up my family and I'm finally seeing the light at the end of that very long tunnel.
    3kids2cats1divorce says:

    I had LASIK when I was 35 and they warned me that corneas are living tissue, subject to changing with age. They weren’t kidding — my eyes were back to pre-surgery sight within 8 years. Wasn’t worth the money. Sometimes what seems like a great idea…isn’t. 🙁

  3. Dede – Dallas, Texas – I am always learning something new about life. My life is made richer by friends, family, travel, experiences, books and hobbies.
    Dede says:

    I think you can order prescription googles/mask. Of course I’m certain it would be expensive. I feel your pain because I now have to use a hybrid contact that is a combination of a hard and soft lens. At $250 per lens I panic every time I drop one.

  4. Don’t give up on the scuba diving just yet! You can get scuba masks with your prescription built-in for less than the cost of your contact lenses (and they work exactly like a normal mask does). You’ll never have to worry about your contacts getting washed away!

  5. livebysurprise – Liv is the pseudonym reformed divorcee and single mom - now married, coparenting and working mother of three. She's been featured on ScaryMommy, HuffPost Divorce, The Mid and DivorcedMoms.com. More at http://www.livebysurprise.com.
    livebysurprise says:

    I’ve always worn glasses. The idea of surgeons near my eyes completely freaks me out.

    1. Me too but the fear of surgery is less than the utter helplessness I feel when a contact tears or I can’t find my glasses upon waking in an unfamiliar room. On the flip side, I visited an exhibit with a friend where you had to navigate different environments in the dark to simulate being blind. He panicked. I excelled. 🙂

Leave a Reply