A Day-By-Day Survival Guide to Get You Through the First Month of an Unwanted Divorce, Part 3
Divorce, especially if it involved infidelity or abandonment, does quite a number on your confidence. It’s so easy to internalize any messages of rejection.
Today, commit to trying any one of these 21 ideas to help you boost your confidence after divorce.
And, if you’re starting to doubt that you’re strong enough to handle all that is coming your way, read this.
You’re awesome. Never let somebody tell you otherwise.
Sometimes you simply can’t be the bigger person. Sometimes you just have to let it all out – complaints, frustrations, snark and all. Some of this is purgative and some is ego-saving. And the rest is just the temper tantrum of a hurting heart.
It’s okay to vent.
Be careful who receives your unloading and don’t abuse their willingness to listen. And when you have their ear, don’t hold back.
It’s easy to become overwhelmed with the emotional impact of divorce and neglect the practical matters. Set aside an hour to create a short-term budget based upon your current and foreseeable situation. It doesn’t need to be perfect and don’t expect it to be permanent. It’s just to ensure that you have an idea of what is coming in and what is going out.
Take a baby step towards better.
The first month is spent dealing, not healing. Yet even though you’re having to expend your energy on the inevitable crises and changes and even though the tears are still a daily companion, you can start to take the first, small steps to your new life by memory layering.
Think of one event or location that reminds you of your why-aren’t-they-ex-yet?. Take a deep breath and visit that place with somebody(ies) else. Memories of your ex will surface. Let them. But also strive to intentionally start to create some new memories associated with that place. As the layers build over time, the memories of the ex will slowly be replaced with newer recollections.
It’s not fair.
You don’t deserve this.
You didn’t plan for this.
Hope is powerful. If you know how to use it.
Find a physical representation of what you want your new life to be like. Your seed. You don’t have to plant it yet. Or water it.
Just know that it is there when you are ready.
Start to identify your purpose. Your identity.
You were more than your marriage and you are more than your divorce.
Find yourself again.
Begin to craft your life mission statement.
Don’t stress – it’s just a rough draft.
In fact, the editing process may never end. And that’s okay.
Write your goals for the next year. Let some be small and easily attainable. Allow others to be dreams that seem to grand to achieve. Don’t censor yourself; let the ideas flow.
Remember that gratitude list? Post your goals next to it.
It’s a reminder to be okay with where you are at the same time to want to be better tomorrow than today.
Celebrate your progress. What have you accomplished in the past four weeks that you thought you couldn’t? In what way(s) have you progressed? It’s okay if it’s small – a full night’s rest, a day at work without tears. Every improvement is a victory. Treat it as such.
If you have been journaling, this is a great time to look back at your first entries to see your progress in black and white. You may find that you don’t even recognize that earlier version anymore.
One month. You’ve made it.
You’re further along than you were 30 days ago.
And yet you’re still at the beginning.
Divorce is a marathon. Not a sprint. And you have to learn how to run the mile you’re in.
Every person is different. Every divorce is different.
And every timeline to healing is different. But here’s an idea of what you may expect.
And even though it doesn’t necessarily get easier.
You get stronger.
And one day, you’ll realize that your divorce has made you even better than before.