10 Struggles Anybody Who Has Been Divorced Will Understand
I used to have dreams that contained intimate and touching moments with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. In the dreams, I felt loved and safe. Upon waking, I felt disgusted and violated. The truth is that no matter how ugly the end was, there will always be some aspects or memories of your former spouse that you will miss. That doesn’t mean you still wouldn’t punch them if given the chance.
7) You Secretly Worry That You Are Defective
Even as you utter platitudes like, “It was for the best” and “I’m happier and stronger now,” you still have that small voice inside that wonders if you are somehow unable to sustain a loving relationship. You become acutely aware of your own shortcomings and your own fears. You worry that the baggage from the divorce will push any new interests away and that you are doomed to relationship purgatory. Fear speaks loudly. But it also lies. Don’t let one person decide your worth.
8) Your Heart Breaks Whenever You Hear That Someone is Facing Divorce
I can spot them now. There’s a certain resolve painted over a face that reveals too many sleepless nights and a look of panic in the eye. And I just want to embrace them. Hold them tightly. Share some of my strength gained from struggle. Convince them that they will be okay. While inside my heart breaks, because I know that before they’re okay, they will endure some of the hardest moments of their life.
9) You Find Books Like, “Eat Pray Love” and “Wild” Both Inspiring and Anger-Inducing
A friend pressed, “Eat Pray Love” into my hand a couple months after my husband pulled his disappearing act. “I think you’ll like this. It’s inspiring and I think you’ll relate.” And on one hand, she was right. I felt hopeful about my chances for moving on from my teary collapsed self. But I was also angry. Defensive. After all, I reasoned, it must be easy to move on when money doesn’t seem to be a concern and you have the ability to simply leave everything behind and travel the world. But it turns out a yoga class can be as effective as a healing tool as a trip to India. And a lot more practical.
10) You Know That You Can Handle Anything
And here’s the ultimate truth. Those of us who have faced the brutal dismantling of one life and the rebuilding of another know our own strength. There’s a confidence that comes from facing divorce and surviving. Embrace it and rather than being ashamed of your status, be proud of your perseverance.