My ex and I had a sense that it was the two of us against the world.
There were several factors that contributed to that mindset: We were teenagers when we started dating and teenagers think everyone is against them. We grew up on opposite sides of town and so from the beginning, our social circles never had too much overlap. We both experienced the death of several friends and mentors towards the end of high school and shortly after, leaving us to lean heavily upon the other. And then, perhaps sealing the deal, we moved halfway across the country to follow his job opportunities, leaving friends and family behind.
After settling in Atlanta, we found new friends. There were singles and couples that we would regularly socialize with. We found families that would “adopt” us for holidays.
But we never found community.
We never had an interconnected group of people to which we both belonged in equal measure.
And to be honest, I didn’t really notice at the time. As an introvert, I tend to prefer to socialize one-on-one or in smaller groups. I frequently would go to Friday “meetings” after work with the other teachers and my husband would often join for at least part of the time. His boss’ family took us in for celebrations and holidays and we blended in with their adult children and grandchildren. Or so I thought before painfully learning otherwise after the abandonment.
But even with this connection, we still ultimately only relied on each other. Opened up to each other.
It was still us vs. the world.
And then he left.
And I realized that I didn’t have to prepare for battle with the world.
I could let it in.
And now in my new marriage, it’s my husband and me in our world.
You’re a teacher, and you’re an introvert? Can’t wrap my head around that… 🙂 I taught Elem. School (3rd grade) for 3 years before moving into the IT field with law firms. Most teachers LOVE to talk… LOL.
3rd grade? Much respect! Those little ones scare me! I actually know quite a few introverted teachers. We can be “on” in the classroom and then we need time to retreat and restore. And when we don’t get that time… It can get ugly:)
That makes sense. I also taught 5th graders. I liked 3rd grade better. Such a big year of learning for them.
Love this…such a mature way of looking at it. We throw that around too much “us against the world.” We should be more inclusive…see what all this “crap” (I mean, life experience) leads you with — WISDOM. 🙂 Lovely post as always. Thank you…
🙂 Oh, I know that crap too well. Glad it has an upside. Enjoy your weekend!
I understand what you mean by this. My ex-husband attempted to separate me from the outside world and make it about us against the world in a very controlling way. When I finally started to open up about what was going on at home and getting real support from my community, I realized that I was strong enough to get away from him and his control. And I found a whole new world out there to support me.
As somewhat of an introvert (despite what I do for a living) I never realized how much my ex had cut me off. That is until he left and I realized how very alone I was. Now? It is really hard, more than a year later and I am still, very much alone.
It is hard as an introvert to cultivate and maintain a community. It takes conscious and sustained effort and energy.