Dating After Divorce: Does Their Marital History Matter?

12 Responses

  1. gin-gin says:

    Beautiful words. I get that question a lot. And I don’t have an answer. After reading your post I feel ok not having one. Thank you.

  2. I loved this! I contemplated what I thought I wanted and what I didn’t. Should they have kids like I do? Will they understand how to be parents if they don’t? And, I discovered similar things. It really comes down to character, readiness to adapt. I found a man that wasn’t marred yet and had no kids, though I thought I’d want someone who already had a family and would ‘get it’. The man I dated who had a daughter, wasn’t much of a father at all… the man who has no children loves my kids so naturally! I’m amazed at how beautiful this second go is turning out to be!

  3. Maria V. says:

    So, what are your thoughts on the history of how their marriage or (last relationship) ended? (that is if they are truthful about it to begin with). What if the marriage ended due to infidelity? Just curious as to your perspective. Perhaps a topic to be explored in a future blog posting.

    • For me it definitely matters and would pretty much be a deal-breaker. For the most part, it would reflect negatively on their character from my perspective. That being said, I would at least listen to the story before discounting them. That’s one those things that everyone pretty much has to decide for themselves if it’s a deal-breaker or not. Thanks!

  4. This is really great advice. I have preconceived notions but you brought up valid points i should keep in mind!

  5. Josie says:

    Thanks for the advice. I, myself have struggled with this. My ex cheated with his secretary for 2 years, and then tried to manipulate my kids to think he was divorcing because I was a horrible mother. He rewrote our 20 year marriage, so I have a hard time believing men when I they talk about their bad marriages. I know mine wasn’t what I thought it was, but I devoted 20 years of my life to my family which is now completely different than we were two years ago.
    My ex had me believing things were my fault before I found out about the affair, so I know he manipulates anyone he talks to about me and how our marriage Ended. So how do I believe any new potiential men and trust myself to trust again?

    • Gaslighting and betrayal really mess with your ability to trust. I’ve written quite a bit about my own struggles with this and how I’ve (mostly) worked through it. You can find these by putting “trust” into the search bar on my site. Sorry you’re in that position – it’s not easy.

  6. Patricia Jackson says:

    Yes, I hate being “labeled” divorced, as it seemed to have a negative connotation. I had wrestled with the idea of just saying “single” and leaving it at that. Lol! I am okay now it now. I am just peeking through the door at a male companion right now, but at least I have cracked open the door. 🙂

  7. tolate4me says:

    I haven’t been able to get a date in 16 years since my wive left. I was 30 now I’m 46.

    She had a family, I had nothing but the bills she left.

    I tried online dating, I found it very depressing, sending out messages to be ignored. Or reading the lists of “must haves” it felt more like a job interview with to many applicants. I’m tall and good looking, I’ve kept myself in really good shape, have a good job and a nice home, but apparently that isn’t enough these days. zero dates in 16 years.

    I really hate asking women out, I’d rather go to a really bad dentist for work I don’t need. (probably cheaper too) . “Game” is not something I want.

    So I’m alone, I’ll never have a family, women my age are past their childbearing years anyway so I’m calling it quits.

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