5 Truths You Have to Accept Before Your Second Marriage

Your Baggage is Your Problem

It’s always nice when someone offers to carry our bags for us. There’s a relief that comes from shifting that burden; a sense of freedom when the weight is lifted. But when it comes to relationships, your baggage is your problem. Whether you have residual anger that flares when provoked, fear of betrayal or abandonment or irrational overreactions from triggers buried in your past, it is up to you to address them.

No Pining Allowed

It’s natural to miss your ex at times. Perhaps they had traits your new partner lacks or maybe you shared a different connection. Watch those thoughts. If you are yearning for your past, you will miss your present. Whatever was is over. Be where you are.

You Must Perfect the Art of Compromise

Marriages that occur later in life can be more complicated, as two full and separate worlds come together. Each partner may be less flexible and more set on his or her ways than in a first marriage. If you want to share your life with someone, you will have to adapt. You will have to let go in order to let in.

Vulnerability and Intimacy May Be a Struggle

Both of you have probably been wounded. Perhaps deeply. Once you have been hurt, it’s tempting to build ramparts to ensure that you are never attacked again. But a marriage requires vulnerability to survive. In a second marriage, it can be an ongoing struggle to trust enough to open up. The effort is worth it.

Your Spouse is Your Partner, Not Your Savior

It’s easy to project the “white knight” persona onto the person that helps us see love and light again. It’s important to remember, however, that your spouse can’t save you. They can only hold your hand while you save yourself. And that can make your second marriage even better.

Thank you for sharing!

7 thoughts on “5 Truths You Have to Accept Before Your Second Marriage

  1. Nomibug – Editor of Lift magazine for single mums, Graphic designer, writer, blogger, adventurer and proud single mum of one gorgeous little pumpkin who makes me laugh every single day.
    Nomibug says:

    This was just what I wanted to read today. Thank you 🙂

  2. Carrie Reimer – I think everyone at one time or another thinks, "If I only knew then what I know now." I share my life experiences in hopes a few less people have to look back and want a "do over". Through my Lady Witha Truck blog I have spent over 10 years sharing my experiences while being in an abusive relationship with a man I consider to be a narcissist/psychopath and through my other blog, Reimer Reason I share lessons learned throughout the 60+ years of my life. No experience is a waste as long as you learn from it and if I can save someone else from making the same mistakes I made, then it makes it all worth while. I am an expert on my life, not yours, my opinions are my own, not yours, and I enjoy open respectful communication on most topics. If I don't have an answer I will research it until I do. I have a sweetheart of a dog named Stella, an 8 year old Pitbull, Mastiff cross. I am artistic, enjoy bringing new life to antiques, gardening, refurbishing and repurposing other people's "garbage", reading, writing and being outside in nature. I have a 38 year old son who I am extremely proud of and a 10 yr old granddaughter I don't see near enough. I live on welfare disability after a lifetime of working full time because I have heart failure. I have gone from being a homeowner and landlord to being homeless and living in my car and now live in a 34' 5th wheel RV trailer that I am fixing up, bought by my brother and mother. I believe life would be far less stressful, and drama filled if we all just lived honest to our core self and listened to our gut. I have found inner peace, something I didn't think truly existed. It isn't what most people think it is.
    Carrie Reimer says:

    Excellent advice. So many times people think that getting involved with someone new right away will heal the wounds from the past. It may give temporary relief but a person usually finds themselves repeating history and the new partner gets sick of paying the price for the ex’s mistakes.

  3. AthenaC – This is my main blog now! But I kept up all my old posts at http://athenasantics.blogspot.com/ so feel free to check those out, too. This site is just what it says - a blog about nothing in particular. I am interested in EVERYTHING - theology, science, philosophy, photography, economics, gender relations, ethics, travel ... you name it, I'm interested in it. I write because if I don't, my thoughts will spill out and assault the poor, innocent people in my life. So instead I inflict my thoughts on the internet at large, because it appears to be equipped to handle this sort of thing.
    AthenaC says:

    “Your baggage is your problem.”

    Yes, yes, and yes. It absolutely is. I know it sounds harsh, and it’s not fair, and it almost always comes across as victim-blaming, but it’s true.

    Yes, I know that no one asked for their baggage; usually someone just handed to them without their consent, but the reality is no one is going to carry it for you. I know it’s a lot of extra work that you didn’t sign up for, but SOMEONE has to deal with it and the only one in a position to do it is you.

  4. Reblogged this on Waiting for Prince Charming and commented:
    Excellent advice… Everyone that gets into a relationship after a divorce should read this…. (including me, for when Prince Charming arrives)…
    It’s so hard not to take out someone else’s mistakes on your current partner for fear of being wounded again.
    Thank you for writing this, so many need to read this….

  5. Mama Crossroads – Virginia, USA – I'm a mother, and a FIGHTER. We all have our battles and I've had my fair share. But if I can make it through this madness (addiction, divorce, abuse, single parenting, co-parenting, molestation, infertility, autoimmune disease, connective tissue disorders ... you name it, I've been there), then you can too. You are stronger than you think! Slowly but surely, we can convert these experiences into FUEL for better things ahead. We can teach our kids. We can inspire those around us for good. And we can change the world.
    Mama Crossroads says:

    Reblogged this on mama crossroads and commented:
    Love love love this …

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