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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

5 Truths You Have to Accept Before Your Second Marriage

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Your Baggage is Your Problem

It’s always nice when someone offers to carry our bags for us. There’s a relief that comes from shifting that burden; a sense of freedom when the weight is lifted. But when it comes to relationships, your baggage is your problem. Whether you have residual anger that flares when provoked, fear of betrayal or abandonment or irrational overreactions from triggers buried in your past, it is up to you to address them.


No Pining Allowed

It’s natural to miss your ex at times. Perhaps they had traits your new partner lacks or maybe you shared a different connection. Watch those thoughts. If you are yearning for your past, you will miss your present. Whatever was is over. Be where you are.

You Must Perfect the Art of Compromise

Marriages that occur later in life can be more complicated, as two full and separate worlds come together. Each partner may be less flexible and more set on his or her ways than in a first marriage. If you want to share your life with someone, you will have to adapt. You will have to let go in order to let in.

Vulnerability and Intimacy May Be a Struggle

Both of you have probably been wounded. Perhaps deeply. Once you have been hurt, it’s tempting to build ramparts to ensure that you are never attacked again. But a marriage requires vulnerability to survive. In a second marriage, it can be an ongoing struggle to trust enough to open up. The effort is worth it.

Your Spouse is Your Partner, Not Your Savior

It’s easy to project the “white knight” persona onto the person that helps us see love and light again. It’s important to remember, however, that your spouse can’t save you. They can only hold your hand while you save yourself. And that can make your second marriage even better.


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7 thoughts on “5 Truths You Have to Accept Before Your Second Marriage

  1. Excellent advice. So many times people think that getting involved with someone new right away will heal the wounds from the past. It may give temporary relief but a person usually finds themselves repeating history and the new partner gets sick of paying the price for the ex’s mistakes.

  2. “Your baggage is your problem.”

    Yes, yes, and yes. It absolutely is. I know it sounds harsh, and it’s not fair, and it almost always comes across as victim-blaming, but it’s true.

    Yes, I know that no one asked for their baggage; usually someone just handed to them without their consent, but the reality is no one is going to carry it for you. I know it’s a lot of extra work that you didn’t sign up for, but SOMEONE has to deal with it and the only one in a position to do it is you.

  3. Reblogged this on Waiting for Prince Charming and commented:
    Excellent advice… Everyone that gets into a relationship after a divorce should read this…. (including me, for when Prince Charming arrives)…
    It’s so hard not to take out someone else’s mistakes on your current partner for fear of being wounded again.
    Thank you for writing this, so many need to read this….

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