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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce


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A marriage should not have a gatekeeper.

Where one party restricts and manages the flow of information into the relationship.

And one partner assumes the responsibility of pre-filtering what the other person sees and hears.


A marriage should not have a gatekeeper.

One person acting like a parent who knows what is best for the other.

And one spouse making decisions that impact the relationship without first consulting their partner.


A marriage should not have a gatekeeper.

Where fear that your partner may step out of line prompts new guidelines to be followed.

And one individual attempts to control the thoughts and actions of another.


A marriage should not have a gatekeeper.

Because the mere presence of a gatekeeper speaks to an imbalance of power, one holding the keys while the other is held.

And a balanced marriage is built upon mutual trust and respect, not confinement and limitation.


A marriage should not have a gatekeeper.

A marriage should have two.

Because while one person manning the gate leads to an imbalance, when both partners work as a team to filter what comes into their marriage, they work to make it stronger.

Not with manipulation and coercion, but with conversation and adaptation.

That begins with the acceptance that both partners are whole and capable and can work to strengthen each other rather than restrict each other.

And where the spouses work to hold the marriage together instead of keeping the other out.

Seek to protect your marriage rather than protect your partner.

Be gatekeepers together.



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5 thoughts on “Gatekeeper

  1. This post really had me thinking from two perspectives. The first is thinking someone is being your protector, and perhaps it begins that way, and in the end it is all about them controlling. That is sad. The other type of gate-keeper is when you begin to keep things from the other person so as to prevent a rage or bad mood. Becoming a ‘gate-keeper’ as protection for yourself. That is also not good. These are, I suppose, some of those ‘red flags’ that are only obvious in hindsight.

  2. Hi, Lisa Arends, the poetry “Gatekeeper” I liked, and is beautiful and quite true. Thank you for following my blog. I would like to follow yours but I haven’t yet found where I can do that.

  3. In hindsight that is exactly what happened in my marriage…we both became “gatekeepers”…she wanted control of everything and I kept my thoughts from her so I didn’t burden her with them.
    However I do feel that the role of “gatekeeper(s)” should actually be defined as both parties making sure that a division never happens.Not as one who puts up walls and keeps secrets in order to keep the peace within the marriage.
    Great article (as always…lol)

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