To: Present Self
Purpose: The gratitude letter may be the most difficult to write; this one is the strangest to write. This is the apology you never received. The information you wanted but were never told. This is the “I loved you” that was buried in the words used to deflect and blame at the end. It doesn’t matter if these words match what your ex really feels and would say. In fact, let go of that and write what you need to hear to let go. It’s amazing how much power the written word can have, even when it comes from you.
From: Future Self
To: Present Self
Purpose: This is a letter of perspective. While you’re in the end of a marriage, all you see is the end of a marriage. When you write from another perspective, you see how this is merely one part of your story and not the entire narrative. It’s also a letter of hope and motivation as you envision where you want to be and you you want to be at some point in the future. Once you define it, you can map it.
From: Present Self
Purpose: You’ve vented your anger to your ex and you’ve expressed your gratitude. Now it’s time to let him or her go. This is a letter of release. It acknowledges the good and the bad. This letter avoids blame and takes responsibility for your responses. It sees the bigger picture and speaks of acceptance. Save this letter until you are ready to write it and release it. Along with the hold your ex still has on you.
This was my letter of release: A Letter to My Ex-Husband on the Eve of My Wedding. It was actually written several months before the wedding. I wanted to release my ex long before entering a new marriage. After years of being so angry that he left without giving me a chance to speak, this letter left me with nothing else to say along with a sense of peace and closure.
The words we say to others have influence.
The words we say to ourselves have power.
Use these letters to write your way through divorce and into the life you want.
9 thoughts on “6 Letters to Write After Divorce”
I wrote a letter to my Ex about all the things I forgave her for. I never sent it, but it wasn’t for her. It was for me. I “learned” to accept an apology I’ll most likely never get and that allowed me to move on, as did my letter I wrote. I eventually burned the letter (along with all my blog posts about her. It was very therapeutic.
Reblogged this on Starting At The Start.
I did this about three months ago and IT WORKS!!!
It works very well in fact. I am in a much better place mentally because of it.
WOW Lisa- that’s some powerful stuff you’ve shared in this post. I think the idea is a very positive way to handle never getting what you need for that closure. I am very sure that I will NOT receive the things needed for closure.( I haven’t even gotten a straight answer to the original questions) so I’m positive I will giving these a try in the not so distant future. I’m loving all of your posts. It is good to hear about someone making it out and finding a good life. Gives hope to those of us facing imminent divorce after trying to reconcile. Thanks for sharing your story! Hugs to you -Chely
And hugd back:)