I Hate Mums

Posted bystilllearning2bPosted inHealthy Relationships, Living Well, Trust & BetrayalTags:, , ,

We walked into Home Depot the other day to buy a section of fence to replace the one that was splintered by the felled tree the other day (totally off topic, but you never realize how large those fence sections are until you try to carry one and you never realize how sail-like they are until they are trying to lift your CRV into the air from their position on the roof.) While walking in, a large display of mums (the fall flower, not the British mother) caught my eye. The flowers were a welcome sight of fresh color at a time when all the hue seems to drain from the other perennials as they succumb to the heat and decide to Rip Van Winkle for several months. I was admiring the diverse colors and full, healthy plants, when out of nowhere a voice in my head declared,

“I hate mums.”

It was a familiar sentiment; I remembered feeling that way and uttering those words. But I was confused. If I hated mums, why was I drawn to them? If I disliked their blooms, why did I have to resist the urge to gather some pots up along with the section of fence?

Perhaps my tastes have changed. After all, I now gravitate towards spicy foods when I used to prefer bland. I am more apt to don color now than the all dark tones that used to dominate my closet. Maybe I somehow developed a fondness for mums with my advancing age.

But I don’t think that’s it.

In fact, I have a very specific memory about mums.

My ex and I were walking into a house about twenty years ago. The front stoop was framed by two large pots of mums, their orange, yellow and copper blooms echoing the colors of autumn. They provided a welcoming, homey image and seemed to freshen the air with their presence.

Upon spying the flowers, my ex announced,

“I hate mums.”

“Me too,” I replied. But did I really have a distaste for the flowers? Or was I trying to show my allegiance to my mum-hating boyfriend? It’s scary to contemplate the latter. That I may have suppressed the urge to disagree with him on something so trivial. It makes me wonder what else I let him decide for me?

Maybe I never really hated mums.

I just let myself believe I did.

 

And now I’ve added them to list of plants to buy for the front of the house next spring. Because I’ve decided that I like mums after all. And, if I’m lucky, maybe they’ll have special ex-repellent properties:)

 

 

Thank you for sharing!

19 thoughts on “I Hate Mums”

  1. betrayedin2012 – I am in my early thirties, married with 2 children. And Christmas night of 2012, after 10 years of marriage, I discovered my husband was having an affair, and I just want to talk about it.
    betrayedin2012 says:

    I think on some levels Ive done the same, minimized my own likes n dislikes to make him happy, but on other levels I think my strong bold opinionated attitude scared him off to someone less opinionated and weak… So many times now I hear him say “but u dont like ***….” and Im like , noooo, YOU dont like that, I just agreed cause you didnt, but I would like ****…. mostly trivial stuff like restaraunts, food, outtings with the kids…. Man if he thought I was over opinionated before, HAH! I already told him to be prepared because I am me, take me or leave me but Im not minimizing me any more! And… i like the color of the mums, but im not into them… look weird to me…
    Its amazing what a little insight into ourselves can do..

    Reply

  2. Interesting. I hate mums, but mostly because they signify the end of summer. Also, they look fake to me, somehow– like wax flowers.

    I know what you mean about carefully modifying your tastes to align with someone else’s. It’s a good thing to recognize and address.

    Reply

  3. I’ve done the same! Maybe we all do in trying to build something, to minimise differences. He gave up fettuccine puttanesca. I gave up a pink sofa. But the difference is I started to feel obliged to dislike the pink sofa. He still ordered puttanesca when we were out (just didn’t make it at home). I’m coming to the conclusion that selfless love is bound to be betrayed.

    Reply

      1. Sadly I do not have a pink sofa yet. But I reclaimed my pink ottoman (heartshaped with stainless steel claw feet) from my mums. I had sent it to her when we went to live overseas and hadn’t got it back when we returned because Paul made fun of it.
        Hope one say to have a little desk nook in the end of the lounge with a pink mini sofa. In the meantime the pink ottoman is my daughters prized spot to sit while playing with her dolls house.

        You see, I stayed. He’s awfully remorseful and we get along ok now. It’ll never be the same, but it’s better than the alternative.

        Reply

  4. By the way, here we call them Chryssies, I didn’t know what “mums” were. But it’s funny, here they are the Mother’s Day flower because of the season not the name. I like them because my kids always give them to me on Mother’s Day.

    Reply

  5. i hate people who say they hate everything!!!!

    he used to say that a lot;.. about any and everything… i hate this i hate that, i hate broccoli i hate pasta i hate bar soap i hate cats i hate everything in the whole entire worlddddddd!!! just let them be, sheesh. you dont have to love them, but whats the point in hating harmless random objects?

    is there a NEED to hate these things? i could understand, if, you know, a chrysanthemum ate your dog when you were a kid and took a chunk of your hand when you tried to save it (this is how irrational i think it is)… really? you hate them? heh. i used to say that a lot..

    but why do i hate people who do that? because, like you say… it makes me hate stuff too. its a really strong word. and it spreads way too easy. thinking about it now, it almost sounds like a control issue… spread hate, its an easy way to control people… *cough* hitler *cough*

    Reply
  6. SassaFrassTheFeisty – Indianapolis, IN – I'm a mother of two-mostly amazing-kids. This is my journey towards healing from the ruin of my marriage and 10 year relationship to my kid's "dad", my stories of dealing with really good and really bad days, learning to cope and move on. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 with mania and ADHD-look! Something shiny!!-and Postpartum Depression. I love completely and passionately. Just don't piss me off, because I'll burn that bridge-and I'll stand on it and watch the flames consume everything. Sass 101 First-As my name suggests I am a Feisty Lil Thang. I tell it like it is. It is no holds barred on my blog. If you expect fluffy puppies, rainbows and sunshine, exit Stage Right because it ain't gonna be here. If you expect no cussing and positivity, and that I pray to a God or deity, exit Stage Left. That's not here either. What's here is real, honest, raw and truthful. This is my journey through the last 18 months from the separation of my husband and the JOYOUS roller coaster my family has been on. Oh yes, I did forget to mention-I am a sarcastic quick witted one. Sasscasm is trademarked by the ever Butch Blah. Don't mess with her Dragon, he eats assholes for breakfast. We have a tribe here that is very exclusive-seriously. If you're lucky enough to enter, you are worthy enough to partake in our Femme Speak. If not, just nod your head yes, and move on. I have Bipolar 1 with mania and I cycle into depression 2 times a year. This year has been an exception to the rule considering this year has just been shit. I've been to my local psych hospital twice in less than 10 months-once for depression, once for a psychotic episode resulting from over medication. YAY! Piss on that shit. If it hadn't been for Blah, I never would have gone. Thank you Blah. I lurve you! I have 2 kids-a boy I call NSLM-Not So Little Man-because Anxious Mom has her LM. Didn't want to steal her LM's thunder :) And I have a daughter referred to as Monkey-it's self explanatory. They are also referred to as my Heathens-yes I can call them that because I gave birth to them, I know them and they act like Heathens at times-just thank the Good Lord they aren't Hellians or I'd be in jail. I have an almost 5 year old purebred Red and Black German Shepherd named May-she's momma's baby, and Monkey is on her THRID guinea pig in about a year-thank her dad for that one. This one is S'mores and he's a wheeker and fat and fluffy. My kids and I live with my parents, because I'm not stable or healthy enough to work and live on my own. I have FINALLY found my magic pill cocktail-for now-and I have clarity for the first time in my life. I no longer use the word "stable" I use baseline. I've been on a lot of meds over the years, and since the last med I was on and overmedicated I have become med sensitive-SUPER YAY. I'm good at recognizing side effects and can tweak a med time better than a dr. Not cocky, just fact. I'm that in tune with my body. I'm also very emotionally charged. My emotions have always ruled my decisions, and I don't see that changing, but I am now better to stop and think things through before making a decision-some of the time. I'm mouthy, but I have a huge heart of gold, and I get hurt easily. And when I talk about people on here in my life off of WordPress they get their own special nicknames. DB-Douchebag. BBFL-Best Bitch For Life-My best friend in Alaska that I HOPE I get to see soon. EG-English Gentleman-a guy that I've bee talking to for a year that lives near Scotland and is on an 8 month trip around the world, and will be stateside in January. I can't wait to meet him in person! Cute Neighbor Guy. There were two guys that were named for the states they lived in, and I think I've deleted everything about Florida but the last post-Thank you Andrew for the title, you brilliant dictionary, you. Then there are my most supportive friends here: Anxious Mom, Andi, Zoe, Diane, Morgue, Blah, Chris, Sparkly Pants ;) Victo, Tessa, Bipolarfirst, bp7o9, Vic, Kitt, Leslie, and my newest BUDDY Andrew. I know I've forgotten some people and I SERIOUSLY apologize given the state of my brain haze, I hope you don't hate me!! I know you don't, I'm just overly dramatic. No I'm not...yeah, yes I am. ;) So, if you can't handle my sarcastic tongue and my cursing that can make sailors blush, the lobby exit is in the top right corner with a little X. That being said, I hope you new arrivals aren't just looking for blogs for numbers-this isn't that kind of blog. And I rather like interactive people on my little slice of the crazy pie-well, more like peach cobbler because it's my favorite but ANYWAY. I don't follow back just because you follow me. I may not be too picky about my food, but I'm picky about my men and the blogs I follow. With that, I shall bid you Welcome to Sasstopia, and may you stay to be among my Sassafrains. Reggie my Pegacorn is tethered out back as he doesn't do well with new people. I shall be shining my spork launcher on the table, next to my melon baller and grapefruit spoon all soaked in syphilis. If you have any questions, fucking ask. I don't do vague. LOVE YOU! <3
    sassafrass20 says:

    I can totally relate to this! All the things I “liked” for fear of upsetting the precarious balance of my relationship. I love mums. I love their colors and blooms and all they represent. I love fall-the smell of the air, the crunch of leaves underfoot, the fond memories of marching season. Maybe, just maybe, we can both have that special ex-repellent!

    Reply
  7. Jennifer – Albuquerque, New Mexico – First off, I am not very funny. Secondly, I am a full-blown geek; I like chess (it is my favorite game), I enjoyed writing research papers in college, I enjoyed statistics and any other kind of math. But, in my old age (47), I have learned to own my geekdom, it is uniquely mine. Third, I have manic-depressive illness which can make life a bit rocky sometimes, like when the medications are not strong enough to treat the illness, then it bites me in the ass…..hard. Most of the time, though, I ride the sine wave that are normal moods. It is an interesting disease to have though. You do a lot of self reflecting and exploration which can be rough, but you can see where you have made mistakes and you can take action to prevent that behavior in the future. Fourth, I have learned how not to settle for anything; bad medical care, toxic and angry people, bad food, bad relationships. I just will not settle anymore. I have already been there and done that. Fifth, I have learned over the years it is not cool to puke through your nose because you drank too much at a party or a bar. Sixth, I love to read everything from fiction to non-fiction to school textbooks. I do not remember learning to read. My mom says when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I picked up National Geographic and began to read it. Who knew? Seventh, and possibly last, I love music of all types except Rap. My favorite music to relax to is classical preferably of the Baroque period like Amadeus Mozart and Beethoven. I love going to the movies by myself. If you go on a Monday afternoon matinée, there is usually no one there so it is like having your own private theater. I am also a Nichiren Buddhist by way of spiritual belief. I am basically just a normal person who happens to be not funny :) .
    songtothesirens says:

    I wonder how much of what I used to like and dislike was to appease my ex. I recently went through the first anniversary of the divorce, and it really made me think about who I was when I was with him, and who I really am. Unfortunately, I have yet to find ex repellent. Perhaps, I should plant mums this year. He never had much luck with flowering plants 🙂

    Reply
      1. Jennifer – Albuquerque, New Mexico – First off, I am not very funny. Secondly, I am a full-blown geek; I like chess (it is my favorite game), I enjoyed writing research papers in college, I enjoyed statistics and any other kind of math. But, in my old age (47), I have learned to own my geekdom, it is uniquely mine. Third, I have manic-depressive illness which can make life a bit rocky sometimes, like when the medications are not strong enough to treat the illness, then it bites me in the ass…..hard. Most of the time, though, I ride the sine wave that are normal moods. It is an interesting disease to have though. You do a lot of self reflecting and exploration which can be rough, but you can see where you have made mistakes and you can take action to prevent that behavior in the future. Fourth, I have learned how not to settle for anything; bad medical care, toxic and angry people, bad food, bad relationships. I just will not settle anymore. I have already been there and done that. Fifth, I have learned over the years it is not cool to puke through your nose because you drank too much at a party or a bar. Sixth, I love to read everything from fiction to non-fiction to school textbooks. I do not remember learning to read. My mom says when I was about 3 or 4 years old, I picked up National Geographic and began to read it. Who knew? Seventh, and possibly last, I love music of all types except Rap. My favorite music to relax to is classical preferably of the Baroque period like Amadeus Mozart and Beethoven. I love going to the movies by myself. If you go on a Monday afternoon matinée, there is usually no one there so it is like having your own private theater. I am also a Nichiren Buddhist by way of spiritual belief. I am basically just a normal person who happens to be not funny :) .
        songtothesirens says:

        I am thinking you may be right…..thinking it would fly off the shelves 🙂

        Reply
  8. kimberlyjo2016 – Hi, I am a mom to 2 grown boys and a new daughter (1 of my sons just got married!). I work by day at a very structured job but by night, I like to write. Really I like to write stories infused with humor. I like finding humor in everyday situations. I like to try to find the silver lining, the positive in the negative and the glass half full kind of attitude. So by writing, I can make my stories turn out however I want them to! I may even throw in some poetry, not rhyming poetry, just rambling lines that sync with my thoughts. I will also throw in some of my photos (forgot to mention I am an aspiring photographer too). I hope you enjoy my little stories, please let me know if any of them speak to you! Oh, and the name #angelonmyshoulderphotography, is because I have had so many miracles along the way that everyone would always comment that I must have an angel on my shoulder watching over me. So I got an beautiful angel tattoo on my shoulder and that's how the name came about. I think it suits me!
    kayjcee2014 says:

    Reblogged this on surfacing-finding your way after a divorce and commented:
    Funny when you realize how many things you really do like-now that you are no longer trying to keep the peace.

    Reply
  9. livebysurprise – Liv is the pseudonym reformed divorcee and single mom - now married, coparenting and working mother of three. She's been featured on ScaryMommy, HuffPost Divorce, The Mid and DivorcedMoms.com. More at http://www.livebysurprise.com.
    Liv says:

    I totally understand. There are places that I thought I’d been to that I dream about often. One day I realized I’d never been there. Weird. But on another note – I hate mums. They look very fresh but smell bad. Nasty.

    Reply

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