Cutting the Last Tie

It’s going on two hours now and I can’t stop crying.

 

I thought I had six more months. That’s what I had paced myself for and steeled myself for.

But I don’t have six more months.

I have one.

One more month and the last tie to my past is cut clean.

 

I received a generous birthday gift today that will allow me to pay off the rest of debt from my ex. He left me with so much to pay – lawyers, doctors, court fees, insurance, utilities, car payments.

And two credit cards in my name.

One of them made me angry but didn’t make me feel violated. It was used for furniture we owned and I was told it was paid off (as per our agreement) before the end of the one year grace period on interest. I was angry that he didn’t pay and I was left holding the bill, but at least it was for a joint purpose.

As for the other?

That’s different. I never checked the account because it was only supposed to be an emergency line of credit. I guess we had different definitions of emergency. After he left and I first saw that account, I felt a weight press down on me.

Its balance was equal to my take-home pay for one year.

The activity showed expenditures on his honeymoon with the other wife as well as large transfers to a card in his name and multiple cash withdrawals.

I’ve been paying on that account for years, trying to mitigate the sick anger and disgust with every payment by including a note of gratitude in my “July disasster” file.

I’ve been carrying the weight of that account for years, cash-strapped as a significant portion of every paycheck has gone to fund whatever lies he was living.

 

This gift today is a gift of freedom.

Freedom from the emotional burden of that damned debt that’s like a monetization of his lies.

Freedom to receive my entire paycheck for the first time in five years without paying for the mistakes of the past.

Freedom to begin to save to finally replace my car.

Freedom to build without encumbrances – looking forward and paying forward.

 

I can breathe.

But I still can’t stop crying:)

 

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31 Responses

  1. Nomibug says:

    I don’t blame you. Congratulations πŸ™‚

  2. Congratulations and sending hugs your way πŸ™‚

  3. Meg says:

    I’m so happy for you!! Happy Birthday! You deserve every good thing πŸ™‚

  4. annieemmy says:

    That is fantastic. At least they’re happy tears, so keep ’em coming.

  5. Congratulations Lisa..I am so happy for you
    Now you and your husband need to go out and celebrate a little (or stay home and celebrate..lol)

  6. I finished my last payment on my ex’s debts before Christmas last year. Congratulations! It feels really, really good.

  7. I’m so happy for you! I just paid off my last debt with the help of a gift from relatives. I may no longer have a retirement account after three years of legal bills, but at least I’m debt free. And it took no time for my credit score to rise. Have you looked at yours yet? Congrats again!

  8. Totally inspiring. And I don’t blame you one bit for being emotional — that debt was more than just money. And now you’re free!

  9. Good for you…let the tears go and all the toxins along with ’em. Good riddance debt and its attached junk.

  10. Congratulations!! it will be so nice to not have that reminder every month. To be finally free to live your life without his toxic shadow always looming.

  11. I am so happy for you that you are finally truly free.

  12. Oh gosh, I really feel for you. I remember as part of my divorce my ex had to turn in his statements. I didnt have money to see a doctor but my ex was buying his girlfriend tiffany necklaces and super expensive bags. Luckily for me, I don’t have to pay his bills–how awful!!! I am so happy for you that you are finished with that. I think you should do something to treat yourself πŸ™‚ you deserve it.

  13. What a joyous milestone!!

  14. scabs says:

    yay! I can’t help but be happy for you to release the last bit of the junk!! πŸ™‚

  15. CRM says:

    Bless it away and rejoice in your moment- Sometimes it’s really hard to see the reason behind some of the things that happen – you have earned this moment πŸ™‚

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