Cutting the Last Tie

It’s going on two hours now and I can’t stop crying.


I thought I had six more months. That’s what I had paced myself for and steeled myself for.

But I don’t have six more months.

I have one.

One more month and the last tie to my past is cut clean.


I received a generous birthday gift today that will allow me to pay off the rest of debt from my ex. He left me with so much to pay – lawyers, doctors, court fees, insurance, utilities, car payments.

And two credit cards in my name.

One of them made me angry but didn’t make me feel violated. It was used for furniture we owned and I was told it was paid off (as per our agreement) before the end of the one year grace period on interest. I was angry that he didn’t pay and I was left holding the bill, but at least it was for a joint purpose.

As for the other?

That’s different. I never checked the account because it was only supposed to be an emergency line of credit. I guess we had different definitions of emergency. After he left and I first saw that account, I felt a weight press down on me.

Its balance was equal to my take-home pay for one year.

The activity showed expenditures on his honeymoon with the other wife as well as large transfers to a card in his name and multiple cash withdrawals.

I’ve been paying on that account for years, trying to mitigate the sick anger and disgust with every payment by including a note of gratitude in my “July disasster” file.

I’ve been carrying the weight of that account for years, cash-strapped as a significant portion of every paycheck has gone to fund whatever lies he was living.


This gift today is a gift of freedom.

Freedom from the emotional burden of that damned debt that’s like a monetization of his lies.

Freedom to receive my entire paycheck for the first time in five years without paying for the mistakes of the past.

Freedom to begin to save to finally replace my car.

Freedom to build without encumbrances – looking forward and paying forward.


I can breathe.

But I still can’t stop crying:)


Thank you for sharing!

31 thoughts on “Cutting the Last Tie

  1. Nomibug – Editor of Lift magazine for single mums, Graphic designer, writer, blogger, adventurer and proud single mum of one gorgeous little pumpkin who makes me laugh every single day.
    Nomibug says:

    I don’t blame you. Congratulations 🙂

  2. Cory Pasqualetto – I'm in my 40's I've had two marriages and have worked various jobs in my lifetime from supermarkets to restaurants to Information Tech. This started out as a continuation of my divorce story but since my last romantic partner passed away suddenly without any warning it has now become more of a place to write out my thoughts and feelings. I have made most of my teenage dreams and fantasies come true and now I need to figure out what else to do.
    Cory Pasqualetto says:

    Congratulations Lisa..I am so happy for you
    Now you and your husband need to go out and celebrate a little (or stay home and

  3. I’m so happy for you! I just paid off my last debt with the help of a gift from relatives. I may no longer have a retirement account after three years of legal bills, but at least I’m debt free. And it took no time for my credit score to rise. Have you looked at yours yet? Congrats again!

  4. Cindi at MomVersity – Los Angeles, CA – Devoted mom of 2; Real Estate Agent, Former Freelance TV Producer; Native New Yorker; Student at MomVersity; Believer in honesty, ambition, ethics, loyalty + laughter.
    Cindi at MomVersity says:

    Good for you…let the tears go and all the toxins along with ’em. Good riddance debt and its attached junk.

  5. Carrie Reimer – I think everyone at one time or another thinks, "If I only knew then what I know now." I share my life experiences in hopes a few less people have to look back and want a "do over". Through my Lady Witha Truck blog I have spent over 10 years sharing my experiences while being in an abusive relationship with a man I consider to be a narcissist/psychopath and through my other blog, Reimer Reason I share lessons learned throughout the 60+ years of my life. No experience is a waste as long as you learn from it and if I can save someone else from making the same mistakes I made, then it makes it all worth while. I am an expert on my life, not yours, my opinions are my own, not yours, and I enjoy open respectful communication on most topics. If I don't have an answer I will research it until I do. I have a sweetheart of a dog named Stella, an 8 year old Pitbull, Mastiff cross. I am artistic, enjoy bringing new life to antiques, gardening, refurbishing and repurposing other people's "garbage", reading, writing and being outside in nature. I have a 38 year old son who I am extremely proud of and a 10 yr old granddaughter I don't see near enough. I live on welfare disability after a lifetime of working full time because I have heart failure. I have gone from being a homeowner and landlord to being homeless and living in my car and now live in a 34' 5th wheel RV trailer that I am fixing up, bought by my brother and mother. I believe life would be far less stressful, and drama filled if we all just lived honest to our core self and listened to our gut. I have found inner peace, something I didn't think truly existed. It isn't what most people think it is.
    Carrie Reimer says:

    Congratulations!! it will be so nice to not have that reminder every month. To be finally free to live your life without his toxic shadow always looming.

  6. elizabeth2560 – ABOUT ALMOST SPRING Two and a half years ago my 37 year marriage ended suddenly through no choice of my own. I survived the heartache. I have taken control of my present. I am planning my own destiny, which is moving onwards to a life of purpose and meaning. This is my journey.
    elizabeth2560 says:

    I am so happy for you that you are finally truly free.

  7. Oh gosh, I really feel for you. I remember as part of my divorce my ex had to turn in his statements. I didnt have money to see a doctor but my ex was buying his girlfriend tiffany necklaces and super expensive bags. Luckily for me, I don’t have to pay his bills–how awful!!! I am so happy for you that you are finished with that. I think you should do something to treat yourself 🙂 you deserve it.

  8. eatmyscabs – April isn't my real name. But Eat My Scabs is my real story. I must protect the names of the innocent and not so innocent. This is the raw story of discovering my husbands sex addiction, or whatever you want to call it; infidelity, cheating, weird world of lust, perversion, sex maniac. The new life I find myself in is a little terrifying. I hope for new depth and peace in myself and a few good laughs along the way...cause there are some parts of a sex addicts behavior I find hilariously disgusting! The part of me that's still intact, loves old bikes and yoga, cherishes good friends, adores my kids, loves to try new things, has always had a crush on the color Turquoise, and surprisingly, I still feel happy.
    scabs says:

    yay! I can’t help but be happy for you to release the last bit of the junk!! 🙂

  9. Bless it away and rejoice in your moment- Sometimes it’s really hard to see the reason behind some of the things that happen – you have earned this moment 🙂

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