Our minds are so skilled at focusing on one thing to the exclusion of others. We see what we expect to see. We look to verify our assumptions.
Sometimes our brains filter information so that we can focus on the most important information. Other times, our brains take shortcuts so that we can free up processing space for more pressing concerns.
But other times, our brains perform this sleight of mind in order to distract us from the real issues at hand.
I had someone contact me recently who was concerned about the attentions his wife gave to another man while they were separated. Because it was less painful to focus on that man than on the changing feelings of his wife.
I have a friend whose husband is suffering from a degenerative disease. She is focused on creating a home. Not because she doesn’t care about her husband, but because it is an area that is safe for her brain to tread.
After my ex left, I focused my attentions on the legal process and on trying to label him. It was too excruciating to process the loss, so my brain looked the other way.
We want so badly to have control. So we choose to focus on those things that we feel like we can change or command.
But remember, just because you didn’t see the bear, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
Your brain is a powerful magician.
But you can learn to see through its tricks.