I have a reader that recently introduced me to Reddit. He encouraged me to look at and possibly participate in the Ask Me Anything (AMA) forum or the I Am A… (IAmA) forum. I was intrigued enough to sign for a Reddit account and check out the two forums he suggested.
And, wow. What an interesting platform. I love the dialog that can develop and the amount of interaction. I like that people ask (and answer) the tough questions.
But it scares me. Not because of rude folks hiding behind their avatars (I slayed enough trolls on Huffington Post back in the day!) or the idea of potentially difficult questions.
But because the Reddit etiquette (Reddiquette?) frankly scares the hell out of me. I mean, it’s worse than trying to figure out what fork to use. Really. And I’m afraid if I screw it up, the Redditors will be coming after me with forks. Pitchforks.
So, in honor of Reddit, I’m hosting my own Ask Me Anything here. I mean it. Anything. I’ll answer. And, please feel free to respond to other’s questions or answers as well.
And for the record, I don’t care what fork you use. But let’s leave the pitchforks at home:)
Reblogged this on starting At The Start and commented:
Hosted by Lisa Arends Author of “Lessons From The End Of A Marriage”
Well I guess I will start this off….
“When did you decide it was OK to date or when did you feel you were ready to?”
Great question – hard answer:)
The first couple experiences were less “decide” and more “can I be attracted to someone else?” and “I want out of this hell that is currently my life.” Those could be classified as rebound.
I made the conscious decision to date by joining Match about 6 months after my ex left. I knew I was nowhere near ready for a relationship; my goals were to learn how to date (since I had been with my ex since I was 16, I had never dated men) and learn what I was attracted to. I was upfront with my dates. In fact, I let them know that my divorce was not finalized, I gave them the broad stroked of the story and told them I was moving to Seattle in a few months (surprisingly, only a few ran!). My plan was to learn to date in Atlanta and then actually try to find someone in Seattle.
Didn’t work out that way:)
I thought I could separate dating from forming a relationship, but you can’t control when you meet someone that has potential. I was lucky that my now-husband also wanted to move slowly, so we took our sweet time going from “dating” to “relationship.” If we had pushed that too quickly, it would have failed.
Thanks for the reply…it has given me some insight into my own life and what is going on in it.
Though I have an account over in Reddit, I find the environment somewhat intimidating. I will go next.
How did you ‘handle’ intimacy with another man, not your husband.
It was….weird. I felt like I was cheating for the longest time. I had completely shut down any attraction to other men for the majority of our 16 year relationship. It took a little while for me to even comprehend that there were men around and that I could do something about that. I literally remember the exact moment that happened. A guy at the gym approached me and asked me out. I was shocked and muttered something about having to get back to him. When I turned around, it seemed like the gym was raining men. I felt like a drooling middle school girl again:)
In all honesty, until I developed a relationship with my now-husband, it was always kind of weird. Almost out-of-body. We forget that what we had with a long-term takes time to develop and that looking for that right away with a new partner will be…disappointing.
Thank you! I thought I was strange, not really seeing men.
I think it’s normal to shut that down some as a protective measure for a relationship. I would only allow myself to find unavailable guys – AKA Brad Pitt – attractive, not men that were actually accessible.