So last year, this happened. And it wasn’t pretty. My first reaction was more shock than anything. And it got worse before it got better. That night was the longest I had endured in years. It was like four years of healing had been erased in a few moments. Somehow, I made it through the next day at work and, after some self-care that evening, I was even able to poke fun at the encounter.
And this weekend is the anniversary and I’m going back to the scene. And I think I’m okay. The first time is the worst and, even if it happens again, it will be easier than it was then.
Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
It’s not as though there has been enough repeated exposure to lessen the shock value. It’s not like the other triggers that I have slowly erased with the aide of time and layering. This is different. This one is alive. Or at least was a year ago.
Last year, I was surprised.
This year, I’m anticipating.
And I don’t like that.
It reminds me of the early months, when I always kept my eyes peeled and my guard up.
I don’t want to live that way again.
Even for a day.
So I am going to do my best to enjoy the day. Be in the moment. Not worry about what may happen and how I’ll respond. Because I know that I’ll be okay regardless of what transpires. I’ve faced that dragon and slayed it. And, if I have to, I’ll slay it again. I’ve gotten pretty good at that particular battle.
And to my ex, if you are by some chance reading this, please stay home this weekend. I’d really appreciate it.