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The Upside of Betrayal

21 Responses

  1. William says:

    Betrayal and the shattering of trust is emotional violence and when it is done on the level in which you describe, which I myself have experienced first hand, there is a level of calculated malice that I myself found no reason to forgive.

    My wife passed in September and the number of knives she had shoved in my back with each of one of betrayals prior to her death was such that it took a woman I had known a decade and a half a long weekend on the beach to remove these knives. There will be permanent scars from these wounds as with anyone who has experienced the level of betrayal you describe.

    For myself, I am thankful karma played her hand and removed an abusive person from the lives of my children and self. The say karma can be a bitch but karma can also roll into town and gently remove the knives left in a husbands and fathers back by a deceitful and malicious spouse.

    Cheers……………………………………………………………………..

  2. kami says:

    Beautiful words. You are an inspiration. I don’t remember how I stumbled across your blog but I am grateful I did!

  3. movingliquid says:

    I really appreciate this post since I am in the middle of trying to accept I have been betrayed and my marriage is over. Thanks for helping me to remember the positive side.

  4. Criss says:

    Thanks for this blog! The point about confidence was what I needed to hear. My husband cheated 2 months ago, we’ve decided to work it out but his in fidelity is constantly on my mind. We have 5 year old twins, and they love their father, so deep down im happy I stayed but it hurts me so much everyday I look at him. I have so many thoughts raging in my mind that I cant control right now. Im just a sucker for love I guess. Been with him for 15 years, high school sweethearts.

    • It makes sense that it is constantly on your mind. It takes time and consistency for trust to build – months and years. It’s also normal for healing to come in waves. Some days you may be okay and then some trigger will send you back. Do you have an outlet for your feelings? I highly suggest journaling to work through the thoughts and emotions.

      Hugs to you and the kiddos!

  5. Well that was indeed well written, I am sorry you went through all of that as I know how it feels but you are clearly handling it with grace. Yes, how incredible is it to see all the I can’ts turn into I have tos and then ultimately, I DIDS. Some days, I do wonder if the pain will ever go away.

    • It becomes something you live with rather than something that controls you. Distant. Insignificant for the most part. Just hold on to hope and keep working on yourself!

      • thank you so much for sharing your insights and experiences even as they probably were painful to write. i am a 45 yr old 8 yr stroke survivor whose husband left for another woman 2 months ago. i am swinging constantly between pain/hurt sadness/bitterness and rage. so i go from sweet n understanding/hopeful n trying to raging n sending terible ugly messages. sometimes it doesnt seem an end in sight. thank you so much for sharing

        • Wow. You have a lot on your plate right now. So sorry for your circumstances.

          I can relate to the swing of emotions. It’s so common as we’re trying to adjust to a new reality while also hoping that it’s not really happening.

          I can’t say that there’s an “end,” but much like I would expect you’ve found with stroke recovery, it gets better and you get better at navigating through it.

  6. I will absorb this eventually, truly I will. Today though, will today a cloud is pressing down on me and I cannot seem to get there from here.

  7. Kristine says:

    Thank you. I needed these reminders. Easy to get stuck in Self Reliance. Need to focus on Responsability.

  8. Reblogged this on mama crossroads and commented:
    LOVE this woman. Fantastic post.

  1. April 10, 2014

    […] The Upside of Betrayal – Betrayal isn’t all bad. There are some positives. I promise. […]

  2. April 23, 2014

    […] post originally appeared on Lisa’s blog, Lessons From The End of a Marriage. Lisa’s book — of the same […]

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