The Dark Passenger

29 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    “We all have parts of ourselves that we view as dark, even unlovable. We all sometimes feel as though we are pretending, worried that others may see through the act.”

    The most-liberating realization of my entire life.

    Loved this post.

  2. Oh how I wish mine would just even write me a letter and try an explain himself. But instead he has chosen to play mind games with me. I got a gift in the mail yesterday with no note. But the gift was only from him. Only he knew what he sent would ring bells and take me back exactly a year ago to a vacation we were on, two months before my discovery of his double life. I have been no contact for several months. He is trying to get back into my head. Maybe I should start watching Dexter. The mystery of the human mind. Perplexing to say the least.

    • Ugh. That had to be rough. Makes me glad I have no contact with mine.

      You probably would find Dexter interesting. It can be gory, but I love the psychology of it. It’s on Netflix.

  3. Ahhhhhhhhh Dexter. I’m currently in the middle of Season 6. Dex has come a long way since Season 1 and for a while there, especially in Season 5, I thought he was going to go off the rails for good.

    I agree in that we all carry a dark passenger inside of us. The difference between us and Dex, your Ex, and my Ex is we have a conscience, and they do not. I cannot even imagine moving through life without a conscience and yet 4% of our population does. Scary.


  4. MomBox says:

    “the dark passenger only grows more powerful when isolated from the whole person. Accept yourself. Ask for help. And bring some light to the dark.” Yes. I very much relate to your article.

  5. 1wyrdsmith says:

    I’ve often thought that it must be terrible to hate a part of yourself – to deny, even (especially) to yourself, on a daily basis, something that is a basic part of who you are. Living two lives must be mentally and emotionally exhausting. My ex was no serial killer (that I know of), but he certainly was (and is) still trying to create his own reality as an escape from the truth.

  6. This made me giggle and brought me back three years to an evening when my ex and I were having a discussion after having watched many episodes of Dexter. I actually compared him to Dexter to his face…probably not a wise choice on my part…but I did say that I generally thought it was just his actions with his girlfriend…that he’s able to ‘fake it’ in the moment…not that I thought he was a homicidal sociopath…maybe that wasn’t such a good idea in hindsight…

  7. cathmae says:

    My ex’s dark passenger lived openly with us. Reading your post, I realize how much better that was than if he’d kept him hidden from me. During the weeks the dark passenger was present, it felt to me like he had actually abducted the sweet, loving man I’d married, and was hiding him somewhere. It was soul-destroying to sleep with and eat meals with that hateful presence, even though the sweet, loving man always resurfaced. I’m glad I’m not doing it anymore.

  8. Valerie says:

    The explanations from the dark passenger will always be distorted. I am sure, he will leave you with more questions than answers. They are very strange characters these people. For a very long time I too yearned for some sort of one-on-one with my ex but now that I understand the whole Jekyll and Hyde phenomenon, I think I’m better off with my own deductions and conclusions. That said, If I was granted one more last meeting with my ex, I would only share this quote with:

    “Entertaining the audience of your demons is a rite of passage — a birthright of your humanity. It is the necessary introspection that will frighten you to the core and liberate you from judgment all at the same time”.

  9. This is how I feel, nearly everyday right now. I know my soon to be ex is depressed and he has lashed out and made terrible choices. I know he has been depressed for at least 4 years. Now there is some distance, I can see some of the behaviors, some of the abusive behaviors even. I know he was hurting himself, even as he was hurting himself.

    I refuse to get into any discussions with him that are not specific regarding our current situation. All our discussions are via e-mail and I always allow him the last word, they are always hurtful and sometimes ugly. They always hurt. I don’t care, I can’t care.

    But sometimes I wish I could reach back in time to the person he was before. I wish I could convince him to get help before it got bad.

    Now, all I do is wish him peace, contentment and love.

  10. I wonder all the time if my X ever thinks about the duality and lies he faced during our final years together.

  11. It is a powerful post. I have read the so called “lies” divorced people tell and I do not want to talk to my ex again. I do not want to know where he is. It would be wonderful to see you get the answer to your questions, is it even possible? Can someone like that answer them honestly? Inspiring as usual.

  1. April 6, 2014

    […] looking for patterns and ideas that fit. Slowly, an image began to emerge of a man that carried a dark passenger, a man that was defeated by his shame and his secrets. My conclusions may be accurate or they may […]

  2. August 27, 2014

    […] Sometimes there’s a feeling that if we keep it inside, we keep it safe. But holding on to something you need you say only feeds it with your own fears and distress. And allows it to grow. […]

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