Search and Rescue

I love to look at the words and phrases entered into search engines that lead people to my blog. Some make me laugh. Others make me  want to reach out across the internet and give the typer a hug. And still others make me want to shake the questioner, hoping to inspire some common sense.

I often wish that there was a way for me to respond personally to these queries. But, as of now, there is not. So this is my response to some of the terms that have found me over the last few months. All of the queries listed are common with only slight variation in wording. Each comes across my screen at least once a week. Some, many more.

These are the ones that make me laugh, made me cry and made me shake my head in disbelief.

“Can I have PTSD after divorce?”

I am not a psychiatrist, but my answer is yes. I personally experienced many of the symptoms and have been in contact with several people formally diagnosed. Get help. It’s available.

“How do I get away with bigamy?” or “I committed bigamy what do I do?” or “What are the chances of being caught with bigamy?”

Why, why, why? This must be my biggest head-scratcher. I happened to learn how easy it is to commit bigamy, but it is really THAT common? I see a minimum of ten searches a week on this. And that’s not including the hidden search terms. It may be easy to do, but it is illegal, a felony in most states. It’s not worth it. Get a divorce or have a fling. But, please, limit the spousal number to one.

“Who is Lisa Arends husband?”

I assume they are talking about the ex, not the present husband. I wonder if they’re looking for a date? If so, I would strongly suggest against it (see bigamy above). Otherwise, it really doesn’t matter since his name would mean nothing to you. If you assume the search is coming from within the U.S. (population 313 million) and each person knows roughly 200 people, there is a .000064% chance you know him. Just make up a name for him. Bigamy Bob, perhaps?

“Is Jonny Lang still married?”

I don’t know. But he plays a damn good guitar.

“What to do with chipped plates?”

Eat off them.  Duh.

“How did I wind up so alone after divorce?”

Because it’s easy. It takes concerted and regular effort to be social, especially when you’re sad and facing change. Try It rocks.

“My marriage is over and my dad died.”

There are no words. I wish there were. And I wish there were internet hugs.

“My cat is smarter than me.”

Join the club. I think they be the world’s next super power.

“Husband left for bar.”

I don’t think you’ll find him on the internet. If you’re lucky, maybe he’ll pick up the same woman my husband did.

“What is the perfect revenge for someone who has betrayed your trust?”

Live well and be happy.

“Scared of falling in love again after divorce.”

Me too. But it’s worth it.


Thank you for sharing!

5 thoughts on “Search and Rescue

  1. Ned's Blog – Oregon coast – I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...
    Ned's Blog says:

    Loved that you took the high road with “revenge.” On my 40th birthday, my ex-wife told me she was leaving. The next day she moved out while I was at work. It was just me and our two children. After the phases of disbelief, grief and anger, I realized the best thing I could do to heal myself and my children was to live well and be happy. I also knew it was the only way I was ever going to find someone again. I had seen friends become bitter, putting up walls to protect themselves. In the process, the only people you find are people with their own walls. No healthy relationship can start with walls. To live happy you have to take some risk and reveal yourself. I’ve been incredibly happily remarried for five years now. I don’t know if I’d call it revenge, but it sure is happiness.

  2. 3kids2cats1divorce – Middle aged, stay at home mom to three teenagers, with two fat house cats lounging about. Estranged spouse has moved out to have a midlife crisis. I'm figuring out who I am, how to be a single mom, and looking for a job after 18 years at home raising kids. The kids and cats just want to be fed. Update January 2015: My estranged husband is now almost my ex-husband, just waiting for the judge to sign the papers. I've gone back to college and my youngest kid has started high school, which my local school board has deemed appropriate to start at 7-frickin'-o'clock in the morning. It's been almost three years since the midlife crisis blew up my family and I'm finally seeing the light at the end of that very long tunnel.
    3kids2cats1divorce says:

    One that I get every week “Is davidji married?” I don’t know, but he gives great guided meditation! I hope wherever my search terms land, the person reading them is as thoughtful as you.

  3. Let's CUT the Crap! – Canada – I'm getting a little LONG in the tooth and have things to say about---ouch---AGEing. I believe it's certainly a state of mind but sometimes it's nice to hear that you're NORMAL. I enjoy reading by the truckload. I'm a grandma but I don't feel OLD although I'm not so young anymore. My plan is to stick it out as long as I can on this lovely planet and only will leave it kicking and screaming!
    Let's CUT the Crap! says:

    I have lived well and been happy. My ex (of 30 years) told me about a year ago, that he made a BIG mistake letting our marriage fail. I smiled, and might have rolled my eyes.

  4. I have the same chuckles and head-scratches from the searches that lead people to mine as well. 🙂

  5. I learn from you every time I read you. I am not there yet, but I will get there. Tip toeing without stubbing a toe over bitter and angry is hard, but I will just stub toes and be okay with it.

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