I met with a divorced friend the other day. She was seeking my advice on navigating the online dating world. She had created her profile and interacted with a few men, but not was not having the success she imagined. I asked her what her approach had been so far. She described her bio and listed her requirements that included strict height and age limits. She added other factors that would qualify the men as good husband and father material.
Basically, she had created her perfect match and was then interviewing men to see if they fit her mental profile. And they all fell short. Literally, in some cases. My first advice to her was to change her attitude around dating.
5 thoughts on “Relax. It’s Just a Date”
As I await my first dip in the post-divorce dating pool, I appreciate your always sound advice!
Very sensible advice! We sometimes put way too much importance in what is in essence a very casual encounter. – Fawn
Nobody should settle, but nor should anyone, especially after a “certain age”, try and date with a checklist. Especially a really really LONG checklist. And perhaps an unrealistic one. It’s self-defeating. Love isn’t about someone meeting a checklist. It’s not like buying a car or a house. I think the only “list” that’s appropriate is the one with absolute “deal-breakers” — eg, I won’t date a smoker. I won’t date someone with small kids. I won’t date an aetheist. I won’t date a drug-user. Whatever the case may be. The ones that you KNOW you can’t deal with in a partner. But again, it should be pretty short. Otherwise, anyone will “check-list” themselves right outta the market!
And if you’re going to have a long list, you’d better bring a lot to the table yourself! And be honest about it. The dating market is tough unless you have hugely built in advantages. I don’t know if your friend has a long and perhaps unrealistic, list, but that’s one place to start. If you can’t find ONE person on match.com that matches your minimum requirements, then perhaps they are too high?
Hey, that would be my advice if they were my friend.
Great advice. Always gotta bear in mind too, you can fall in love with someone who is “nothing like your ideal man”. yup, that’s a true story.