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16 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Really good. Really thoughtful.

    I envy a bit the early growth and responsible traits you exhibited, I type as I sit next to my Christmas tree I still haven’t taken down yet. (Hopefully, today!)

    Wishing you much joy and success in 2014, Lisa.

    I think about things you’ve written or said to me so much more than you can possibly realize.

    Making new traditions. Noticing the triggers having less of an impact. Finding ways to overcome when the triggers do have an impact.

    I don’t say thank you enough.

    Thank you.

    • You say you envy it, but you didn’t have to live with it. As my mom can attest, I’m not always the easiest person to be around. Especially when there’s a schedule (real or imagined) to adhere to.

      As for the tree, maybe it’s no longer a late Christmas tree but an early Arbor Day tree. Reframing:)

      Thanks & have a great weekend!

  2. I hope my kids come through stronger than they would have been otherwise, but I lament everyday the struggles they have to endure in order to be that stronger person…I know we all have our “stuff”, and this is just a part of theirs, but it crushes my heart that I failed to give them the childhood of joyful memories and the “nuclear” bond of an intact family that I dreamed I would provide. I think we as a society minimize what divorce does to a child – even when they come out on the other side stronger than they were before. Something about shaking a child’s feeling of security and ‘bonded’ness…

    • I can’t even imagine what parents go through. It seems like grieving the childhood you wanted your kids to have must be one of the hardest parts of divorce. It will impact them, at times negatively. But it can also be a positive factor in their lives. I know I wouldn’t have developed the resiliency and fortitude I have without it. They’ll be okay. And so will you:)

  3. I wouldn’t completely blame your parents “divorce” on your attitudes. I have similar traits due to the fact that I came from a largish family and from the age of five, as my mother’s attention was diverted to the younger children, I needed to also ‘become my own parent’. Later on my father passed away and my younger brothers then also had to largely fend for themselves while my mother went back to work (and also grieve). In the end life is what it is and what happens happens and from all those happenings we become who we are. What I meant by that is that I do not believe that ‘divorce’ per se needs to be put into a category all on its own as being dreadful but rather in the ‘some things happen’ category. Sometimes life throws us curve-balls and we just need to learn to catch them. As far as I can tell, you seem to catch them pretty well.

  4. Your parent’s divorce was the first divorce I experienced and for a very long time was the only one I had any relation to.
    I know a lot of kids might be worried when a friend’s parents divorce that their own would as well. I don’t remember any such worries. In fact, I seem to recall it just seemed normal. Your parents did a good job of that.

    That aside, I recall making tents with blankets under your huge dining room table. Well before the divorce you were always striving for perfection and setting the schedule of play. It’s just a part of you, and that’s not a bad thing.

  5. My kids went through two divorces, their parents first when they were truly to young to remember (6 months and 2 yo). Then mine and their fathers when they were teenagers (16 and nearly 19). I retained custody of the youngest at his mothers request (due to illness). It was difficult, the second one but their mother and I are friends and worked through it with them.

    My own parents divorced after 23 years of marriage. I wasn’t home, my younger brother though had a very hard time.

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