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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Don’t Take Your Divorce Personally

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As a homework assignment for girl’s weekend this past summer, I was asked to read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I was fully willing, but somewhat skeptical, since as the only child of a counselor, I was raised on a steady diet of self-help. I think I overdosed.

After the first few pages, my skepticism was replaced with excitement and understanding. This was one book that made sense to me.

The premise is straightforward: four agreements that, if followed, will change your life. The book is short and the agreements are extremely simple, but nowhere near easy. They are applicable to every area of life and manage to be general and still useful all at once. They are interconnected, one always leading to another.

As part of my own work with The Four Agreements, I am drilling down and applying them to various areas of life. I’ve already explored The Four Agreements in marriage and The Four Agreements in wellness. Those were easy applications. After all, those are areas where your intention is to be honest and you want to be your best.

Now, for the hard one — The Four Agreements in divorce. How can these covenants help you navigate such an awful time with more dignity and awareness? Can these promises actually hold true while in midst of a life disintegration? Can they help to provide support and focus intention in those darkest of days?

I think they can.

Read how.

It can change the way you view your ex and your divorce. And it can help you find peace through the pain.

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14 thoughts on “Don’t Take Your Divorce Personally

  1. This book is one of my favorite books. I started working on “don’t take anything personally” around 10 years ago. It seems so simple. Love your post. 😀

  2. I enjoyed your article and please keep sharing your thoughts/insights/opinions at

    Having gone through a divorce, of a marriage of 18+ years, time does not heal all wounds. That both of us played a role in the deterioration. That if I could go back in time I would to change/improve many aspects of our relationship.

    Regrets are the heaviest burdens to carry.

    Thank you again.

    Jeff Schrembs

  3. It’s amazing how much time I spend ruminating about the pain my ex causes me until I read the statement in a book that his actions had nothing to do with me. I was collateral damage. He never intended or planned on hurting but in his idiotic journey that is what happened. This has helped me immensely :).

  4. Don Miguel Ruiz, has open my eye’s and changed my view on my truth. His books were the kick off to my recovery as a healthy person, it has taken me a year to see everything clearly..I want to give his book to every woman I know..

  5. Since I am so early in to a separation and still hurting so badly I am lookng for anything that will give me some direction through the quagmire. Added the book to my next Amazon purchase, thanks.

    1. Quagmire. What a word for such a difficult time. The beginning is hard. Gather everything you can to act as a life preserver at this point – words, embraces, a peaceful moment. Surround yourself with what makes you feel understood and accepted and loved. I am so sorry that you are on this journey. May 2014 be the year of your rebirth. Hugs to you:)

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