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Dishonorable Mention

12 Responses

  1. Well said!! I really like that you’ve given “shame” the embodiment and persona of someONE rather than someTHING. I don’t know you’re ex husband but I do know the fear of becoming your father. That fear can dictate and control every aspect of your life if you let it, and while you’re being so careful not to step into those shoes it can sneak up behind you and when you’re not looking; BAM, there’s your father, in the mirror one day. Or in your voice when you’re yelling out the front door for your dog, or in your laughter at a humorous moment on the television or radio. I believe it was Job that said, “that which I fear has come upon me…” Oh, be careful what you fear…

  2. This hit a nerve with me. I can relate. Thank you for writing it.

  3. Lori says:

    Lisa, this is amazing. Thank you so much for writing this. My ex’s fear was becoming his father (a cheater, liar, lover of money) and yet he’s become the same man as well (right down to the money-loving NEW wife). Wow. If they could have just been vulnerable and asked for help, just think where they’d be.

  4. Thank you for being strong and vulnerable enough to share this, and, please, take some comfort in knowing that your private shame is shared by others, myself included. A week ago today, during a pivotal conversation with my friend and mentor, my own tears fell and my voice cracked with emotion as I identified a silent shame that has clung to me like emotional plastic wrap for years. It was painful and healing all at the same time, and like you, now that I know her tricks, I won’t get fooled again.

  5. magnumsmom says:

    Really good post Lisa, my ex had a hatred for his father that I never could understand. His father, Henry, was a good man from what I could tell. The ex has no fear of becoming his father because his father would never of left his wife and kids. GOD Bless

  6. muddy runner says:

    I shared the same fear and probably went down a similar path for far too long. This struck a cord. Thank you for sharing.

  7. No, you won’t be. You are strong.

  8. Brilliant post thank you. I also feel like some of my husbands shame has latched on to me, or rather I latched on to it. His 7 years of lies and betrayals have left him living in shame, rightly so. I just wish I wasn’t living under the cloud of shame along with him.

  9. Wow! This hit incredibly close to home. My ex didn’t want to be like his parents. And he ended up becoming the worst parts of them. Right down to having no relationship with his children….
    And I still carry the shame. How did I not see the man he truly was?

  1. April 6, 2014

    […] an image began to emerge of a man that carried a dark passenger, a man that was defeated by his shame and his secrets. My conclusions may be accurate or they may be entirely woven of fiction. But it doesn’t […]

  2. November 6, 2014

    […] Your perception of your partner may be different than what he or she sees. Look beneath the words of assurance. There may be hurt or shame beneath. […]

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