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Anniversaries That Aren’t

35 Responses

  1. Debbie says:

    I am 5 years post divorce. It must have been year 3 when the anniversary date became just another day. It was a milestone in recovery and healing.

  2. Anja says:

    Reading this came at the perfect time. This coming January would have marked 21 years of marriage but I think it has more of a sting because this year we celebrated 20 years and 2 weeks later is when the marriage ended. I have no expectations how I will handle January but was comforting to see others that can relate to these moments.

  3. Ray says:

    This January will be our 21st anniversary, but we are separated and will be divorced come June, 2014. I will spend the day with my kids, driving back from seeing family for the holidays. Love the picture quote at the end. So SO TRUE !

  4. I am almost 2 years post divorce. It was me who left and it was devastating though. Worst day of my life. And worst year and so of my life. And not entirely healed. It is so hard… As Anja says, it is comforting to see others that can relate to these moments. Thank you.

  5. muddy runner says:

    I recently passed my 2nd anniversary that wasn’t. It was tough but better than the 1st. Your words and advice ring true. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Cerridwynn says:

    I’ve been separated from my almost 6 years now, divorced for 4. I still have PTSD surrounding the wedding anniversary, although it does seem to be getting easier with each year that passes. The divorce date in June though, I celebrate my freedom.

  7. Divorce is the last thing on your mind when you marry. It’s a shock when it comes but there are better tomorrows. I’ve buried my hatchet long ago and wonder I was ever married. ‘-)

  8. Yes, I can see that my divorce was my birth announcement, albeit that I did not know it until I was two years old 🙂

  9. Tara says:

    I couldn’t believe the title of this when I saw it. For me, 22 years day before yesterday and the paperwork is not final. It’s been a hard week like the previous 16 weeks or so. Each of your posts have been so timely for me. Thank you!

  10. I get it…thank you for this. And I’m proud of you. -c

  11. My therapist told me that the “firsts” of everything can be very painful, especially holidays. I’ve made it through everything except for Christmas and New Years. What would have been our 6th anniversary was incredibly painful so I can relate. I’m thinking about hiding this Christmas- it just doesn’t feel safe to be out in the world on this day.

  12. My “divorce anniversary” is Christmas Day. Last year, we spent that day together. This year, which will mark 2 years’ post divorce, we’ve both moved on, like, really moved on. And so, I will be making new memories with the one I love.

  13. My first marriage lasted 2 1/2 years. I flailed about for a time after it’s demise, but survived intact. Now, I’ve been married nearly 26 years to a wonderful man… we’ve hit some rough spots, but have toughed it out and that effort is certainly paying off!

  14. I only got around to reading this today – how funny (? unfortunate? coincidental?) that we both had the same first wedding anniversary (I say first, I hope for another wedding one day). As always, glad to read your posts knowing you are further down the line than I. It gives me hope and comfort.

  15. Rasheeda says:

    I so can relate to this one. We were divorced a week shy of our 9th anniversary. Hey… thats a post… stay tuned. 🙂 Thanks for sharing

  16. I loved everything about this post, from the title to the sentiments expressed. I was only married one year, and didn’t even make the 2nd year mark, which is a haunting thought. Perhaps in relation to five or ten or fifteen year marriages, I have more to be grateful for than others. Or perhaps every year I’ll wonder why it didn’t really work. I don’t know and it’s too early for me to tell (though I hope it’s not the latter). I treat the end of my marriage as a new beginning, but some dates do become larger reminders of your lessons than others.

    Thanks for sharing.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Today I would have celebrated 21 years of marriage, a very struggling and painful marriage, but all the same. We separated almost two weeks ago and the paperwork with the lawyer has begun. I’m a working mother but all I wanted to do today was stay in bed and cry for the two decades of love I spent on a man so not deserving of me. Today he called me “ma’am” to be respectful. For some odd reason I had hoped I would get some kind of emotional support from the man I called my best friend for 21 years. I’m devastated and can’t keep my emotions or thoughts contained. I was the happiest bride the world had ever witnessed and my life wasn’t supposed to be wasted like this. Thank you all for your comments, I hope this time next year it will be a celebration of new life instead of the dark sadness I feel today. Maybe I’ll even have no more tears left by year two. We’ll see.

    • Isn’t it hard when the one whose shoulder you used to cry on becomes the reason that you’re crying? So sorry you’re in that place. The new life will grow, watered by the tears that mourn the old.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Tomorrow would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Being separated only 3 months ago, my heart is aching and I’m wrecked. But I know time heals all wounds, and like the girls above, time will come that this day will be just another ordinary day. In God’s perfect time.

  1. February 18, 2014

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    […] When you are in pain, the calendar can be your enemy. How do you handle anniversaries? […]

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