You Win Some When You Lose Some: A Father’s Day Tribute

Ice skating with dad

Four years ago next month, I lost my husband. Four years ago next month, I gained a father.

My parent’s divorce occurred when I was in elementary school. My dad then relocated across the country shortly after I turned 11. We did not see much of each other for the rest of my childhood or throughout my twenties. In fact, we didn’t really know each other.

Four years ago next month, I went to visit my dad for the first time in several years. I think we were both a little nervous, as were trying to learn the choreography of our adult relationship. I was with him when I received the text that ended my marriage. In that instant, I gained a father in the truest sense of the word.

With no hesitation, I became his little girl again. He moved into action immediately, doing what he could . He held my hand for the endless trip back to Atlanta, not even letting go when he drifted off to sleep on the plane. He made the phone calls I couldn’t and stayed in the house with the dogs when I wasn’t able. He cried with me and cursed with me. He hurt with me and he healed with me.

Four years ago next month, I gained a father. A guide. A cheerleader. A mentor. A friend.

Sometimes, it takes a loss to realize what you have. You win some when you lose some. Dad, I’m glad I won you:)

Related: Daddy Issues

Tiger is excited to see you!


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11 Responses

  1. Ray says:

    I’m glad you and your Dad reunited. Granted it took a life-changing event for this to happen, but then again, getting your dad back is a life-changing bonus. Yay!

  2. Jennie Saia says:

    Oh, there’s nothing as reassuring as holding hands with your father. I’m so glad your story took this turn.

  3. My dad and I were estranged for many years. We have become close. He was with me through my entire divorce and even went to court with me. It is a great feeling.

  4. cathmae says:

    That is very moving. It sounds like you came out way ahead. I thinks it’s very easy to assume that an absent father does not care, but there is often more complexity to the situation than we can appreciate. Your dad clearly loves you very much.

    • I agree that there is often much more behind the distance. We had a very enlightening and moving conversation that really helped me understand what was happening for him during that period.

      • cathmae says:

        When I was preparing to separate from my husband, I read a book on Divorce (the title is escaping me) and there was a chapter on absent fathers. The author interviewed fathers who felt unable to find their place in their children’s lives post-divorce, and they spoke about their intense pain related to that. Not to generalize, but as women we tend to move closer in response to pain… and again, there are exceptions to everything… but many men tend to move away. I was glad I had that to take into consideration as it helps me give my EX more credit and be a better mother, post-separation.

  5. I read about the episode with your father in your book and, as I was reading, I was very moved by his actions. That love and care came across in your writing. As you say, ‘sometimes, it takes a loss to realize what you have’.

  1. November 4, 2014

    […] saw my parents’ divorce and vowed that it would never happen to me. I felt left behind by my dad and was confident that my boyfriend (later husband) would never leave my side. I witnessed the […]

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