Gotta Have Faith

This house crush is proving to be an emotional affair.

We saw the house this morning. There were no fatal flaws. Just great big spaces and bigger questions. We were not ready to fall in love. The money isn’t yet fully saved. The current lease is not final.

Yet the house is ready.

We spent all day courting the house. We had friends-in-the-know (a realtor and a former contractor) check it out and give us their opinions (gotta love a freebie on-the-spot mini inspection!). We researched loan options. Finally, we worked with a friend of a friend to start the process to get preapproved for a mortgage. Assuming the numbers work, we put in a bid tomorrow.


It has been a whirlwind.

It’s scary. There are so many unknowns. It’s such a big financial commitment. We will probably be house poor for the first 6-12 months, a position I hate being in. It’s scary but the possibilities are tantalizing.

Brock has been amazing. After the initial walkthroughs, when we were just sitting down to talk it through, Brock posed a question. “Does this, buying a house that will need some remodeling, trigger you emotionally at all since that is what you did before?”


I was speechless. It was a great question; my ex and I purchased a house when we were first married that needed similar types of work. Remodeling that home was a big part of my marriage. I took the time to mull it over. Yes, the house and process brought up memories. But they were matter of fact.  There were no emotions triggered. All the emotion I feel today is about the present situation, not the past.

Brock was willing to walk away if the house triggered me emotionally.


Even the financial stuff wasn’t too bad. I still have such shame and anxiety over the mess that I have. The friend of a friend that we worked with on the approval process didn’t make me feel bad as he asked about each item. I had some anger flare at my ex for putting me in this place, but overall, I was okay. That was a weight lifted, as I have been nervous about trying to buy a house for years.

The timing is not what we planned. The house is bigger than we planned. It needs more work than we planned. But the location is perfect. The features check every box. I can see Brock and I and our amazing friends in the space (after we host a few painting parties, that is!). The value is excellent. And the price is acceptable.

I don’t know how this is going to come together. I don’t know how we’ll make it work. Especially with a wedding around the corner as well.

This is one of those times when you just have to let go and trust that it will work out. I was in a similar position 3 years ago (Recalculating) when I had no employment, no place to live and only a few weeks into a new relationship. I wasn’t worried then. It felt right to stay in Atlanta and give my relationship with Brock a chance. I’ve never regretted it.

I’ve just gotta have faith.

Faith that no matter how this works out, it will be okay.

If we get the house, we will find a way to move sooner than expected. If we don’t get the house, we will find another when it’s time.


Yup, just gotta have faith.

And maybe a glass of wine to relax:)

Thank you for sharing!

15 thoughts on “Gotta Have Faith

  1. candidkay – Experienced journalist, marketing exec and mother of two, I write about life as I know it. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes hilarious. But always interesting.
    candidkay says:

    Just the fact that you’re with a man who had the emotional IQ to ask that question–well, there’s your answer . . .

    1. And, even more importantly, that he placed that as the highest priority. He placed the health of our relationship before a house. Yeah, that’s pretty cool:)

  2. emotionless brain – I am a regular person who lives a regular life. Along with being a regular individual I am also a very special person... In my life story I am divorced, raising two children (alone), without any family to speak of. These ramblings are trials and tribulations of my every day life. I hope it is as therapeutic for you to read as it is for me to write. Enjoy!
    emotionless brian says:

    mazel tov!!! I hope it works out! I have hear the elation in you writing, good to hear you less traumatized and less triggered. I bet you are smiling from ear to ear, I know I am!

  3. my thoughts echo what Candidkay said above….he sounds wonderful. No matter what the outcome, you know that he is willing to put your relationship and well being ahead of material goods. 🙂 I’m rooting for ya, hope all goes well!

  4. You’ve found a winner! He really understands what’s important for your mental health (which is really both of your mental healths!). Good luck on the financing! If it’s the right place for you everything will fall in place!

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