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Love After Divorce: A Reflection on a Journey, Part 1

40 Responses

  1. foroneplease says:

    Sigh…hugz! 🙂

  2. Thank you so much for this post. I really needed to hear a story like this right now. A year and a half out of my divorce and I am burnt out from the dating world. I just spent a trying year in the dating scene going on too many lacklustre dates with people who were “okay” but no one who made me feel anything. Recently, I was on the verge of making the decision to accept permanent single status as I was feeling so disillusioned with starting new relationships. Reading this post today gave me that little bit of hope I needed to not willingly accept this disillusioned state I’ve come to. It’s even got me thinking too “what are me defences I have?” Thank you!

    • You’re welcome:) I hesitated to share this part of my journey because I didn’t know if it would have much value. Thank you for showing me otherwise.

      I can understand being disillusioned. I think you’re right to look at your own defenses. Regardless of the people who meet, your own barriers will stop you short every time. I know – I’ve been there:)

      Dating is like so much else in life. If you try too hard, it seems to elude you. But, if you can approach it with curiosity and willingness, you may just find what you want.

  3. Congratulations on your engagement! 🙂 That is fantastic! I hope you find your peace and happiness, if you haven’t already. Then I hope you find even more…

  4. Natalie says:

    Dating is very difficult, especially at my age– 53. I went on some dates I met on OKCupid— nice enough guys but no magic. I met my boyfriend at the coffee shop where I spend time working on my book– it was a natural, not planned or anticipated meeting. It just happened the old fashion way. When we feel ready, at peace with ourselves and have moved past the confusion– we open ourselves up to all minds of adventures and possibilities. I am so happy to hear your wonderful news!!!!

    • Thanks!

      I swear there is is something magical about coffee shops:) I agree that so much comes down to our mindset – we have to accept ourselves before we can truly accept another. I’m glad to hear you’ve reached that place in your journey.

      Good luck with the book!

  5. Heather says:

    Thanks for this post! I haven’t stepped back into the dating world yet, but this post gives me hope. 🙂

  6. Congrats on your engagement!!! I am sooo happy for you and extremely glad that you put up this post especially when there are so many who are hesitant of getting back into the dating scenario for the fear of getting hurt again. But here you are, after overcoming your fears and anger and showing us that there is definitely a silver lining to every cloud. A huge hug!!! 🙂

  7. What a beautiful post! It is filled with so much hope and promise. Wishing you all the best.xo

  8. heightened1 says:

    You are an amazing writer. It’s like I’m reading a novel. I can’t get enough. But, I too must to meet my love and carry on tomorrow… or later tonight. 🙂

  9. Whew! Trust is tough stuff. Nice piece. Great photo.

  10. Amanda Money says:

    Hi there I am so glad I came across your story. I am 23 soon to be 24 in August and I am going through this thing right now with a guy I met at work who I have very strong feelings for. He has claimed he didn’t want a relationship and to make a long story short things were going good until he blew me off one day in November. He has proven he is a great guy with his actions and I blew the whole thing out of proportion and said mean and hurtful things to him. Mostly through text msgs. So at work and outside of work we haven’t talked but a few days ago I told him I would respect his space (about a week ago he said to give it time when I asked where we stood because I needed closure) and I got so mad even more! So I told him I’d respect his space and that I didn’t mean to hurt him and how I’m struggling with being difficult and that when he is ready I will be here to listen and talk. I know we are a good match and when I first laid eyes on him I swear I just knew it in my heart that he was gonna be something special to me. This September will be two years since his first day I met him but April of this yr will be one year since we started hanging out and stuff. The reason why it wasn’t until April was because he had a gf that he lived with across the street! Crazy huh lol. So I read the article you commented on about the guy who asked for advice on how to move on from his ex wife who cheated and I clicked the link to this site. Reading your story honestly gives me hope because everything I have done with this man in my life from working with him (I trained him too =]), talking to him, being in his car (hes such a good driver lol) to eating in front of him and being in his bed, playing video games, going to eat etc has ALWAYS felt right. It’s so strange I’ve never felt this with anyone before and I know he has got to feel it too but I’m trying to give him his space because he’s got trust issues and I made the mistake of trusting someone with info that was spread at our work (the person doesn’t work there but they came to pick up some paperwork and blabbed my business) I’ve learned to cut that person out of my life and to evaluate myself and how I’ve been acting because a friend that I am not on good terms with (we haven’t spoken in months) told me I can be very negative and assume and overreact but I sometimes couldn’t see it you know? I am starting to see what she meant now that this is happening with someone I adore deeply. I’ve also never had a relationship..I don’t date I just can’t do it. I had a little thing with a guy when I was 13 but I was young and didn’t know anything about love and I’m proud to say I’m still kinda new to sex! So I feel like I’ve finally met the man who deserves me as I deserve him. I really liked that you talked about how you chose to work on one thing and how Brock chose to work on himself too. I hope he decides to be with me and to give us a chance because he’s so awesome I can’t even stay mad at him I never could and he makes me laugh like no other ever has! I am scared that I will mess up or do something wrong and that he will leave but your story gives me so much hope I am so thankful that I chose to check my aol email at about 4AM otherwise I would’ve never found this. You’re so great for sharing this and I have always wanted to write but I keep putting it off but when I have time and the confidence to share my stories I will blog them. I thought about vlogging (video blogging for anyone who didn’t know (: ). Too but we’ll see. Thank you for this and I shared this in email with some ladies in my life and I hope they find some joy in reading this too. I am deff subscribing! Namaste and Be Well

    -Amanda M

    P.S
    My mom’s name is Lisa too! 🙂

    • The most important thing to remember is that you can never control another person, only your response. Believe that you will be okay regardless of what he decides. Because that is what you can control:) Keep that smile on you’re face – I can feel it and your passion for life in your words.

      Thanks for the follow and for sharing my page. I hope it helps bring some insight for you.

      Lisa

  11. marieabanga says:

    Dear Lisa,
    Thanks for sharing this. I just want to say that hm dating or even falling in love after a divorce, is an ongoing tug. I have been with a guy 11 good months now, and I can still feel how so scared both of us are to use the word LOVE. Well, just for a word though because we are really trying in several other aspects. Cheers on

    • It is a challenge! It took me years to be okay with being completely vulnerable and there are still times (decreasing, but still) where I react from the past rather than the present. Glad to hear you have something good going on:)

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    […] I can read these now with some distance. I remember the pain, yet time has dulled its sharpness to a mere whisper. I identify with the woman who wrote this; I can see traces of who she is going to become. I am no longer her; however, I don’t have the anger anymore that fills these pages. I have learned to soften and to accept. I have forgiven my ex and let go of the need for understanding.  The messages of hope and the small celebrations make me smile. I almost wish I could reach back and give the me of those days a hug and tell her that it will be okay and that her hopes and dreams will come in time. […]

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