I came across this article today (Cling Less, Love More) on Psychology Today and found myself startled with realization. I never would have described myself as clingy with my ex – I was independent (often too much so), not jealous, and was frequently apart from him for long periods while he traveled. Then I read this article. The author talks about the tension inherent in clinging and the motivations behind it in a way that echoed familiar. With clinging, you are desperately attached to an outcome, grasping out of fear. Yeah, I get that one. I was clinging in a way and it was holding me still, static, unable to move.
The author contrasts clinging with healthy desires and passions which encourage investment in the now and the goal, but not in the outcomes that are out of our control. I realize that this describes my current relationship. I am so much more relaxed about the “outcome.” I know that this shift is mainly from facing a tsunami and living to tell the tale. Facing your fears has a way of diminishing them. I am no less committed to the current relationship, no less in love. But it feels different. I’m not grasping. I’m holding.
I now have a new perspective and new words for a lesson I have been learning and sharing. I love it when that happens 🙂
Very timely article. I am guilty of being clingy in my relationship, even though I am super independent. I am working on not worrying about the outcome, but living in the moment. The only way I would know how good a student I have been is when I enter a new relationship and make real efforts to put into practice what I have learned in my self-healing journey. Let us see how that works out.
Good luck and remember that learning never ends!
Not sure if I quite get the message of the linked article. Does he mean one clings too much onto the illusions (of say the image of a happy-ever-after-we-will-grow-old-together partnership) rather bringing oneself back to the reality (of making the relationship that is now work by communicating)? .
I see it as subtle, the intent behind the feeling. Is it grasping in a panic or comfortably holding on?
Ok, yes, that makes sense.
have a great weekend 🙂
You as well 🙂
I will definitely be reading this article later. I am independent and have never been described as clingy and I tend toward the “emotionally-unavailable” end of boyfriend spectrum, except with the latest one. It is a really new situation to have to deal with clinginess and so far, I’m not handling it well. Frustration, exasperation, annoyance…. not productive responses, to be sure! Thanks for this article — as always, it is timely!
Glad you can benefit and that it’s timely. I’m working on the telepathy to deliver content when it’s needed! 🙂