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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce

Mobius Mind

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Do you ever feel as though you are stuck in an endless loop, replaying your past a la Groundhog Day, in your mind?  It is all too easy to become stuck on a mental Möbius strip, an endless loop with only side.  In this pattern, you are revisiting the past, perhaps assigning blame or experiencing guilt, but achieving no outcomes, no benefits.  We play the “what if” game as if we are living within a choose your own adventure novel where we can simply go back and choose another path to follow.

Infinite Loop II

How do we get off the never-ending ride of the Möbius mind?  The first step is to recognize that you are stuck on an endless feedback loop, acknowledge your mental playback.  Next, look at your patterns; where are you focusing?  What triggers your thoughts?  What events are central to this repeat performance?  The reason this replays in your mind is that you have not yet gone deep enough into your feelings surrounding the event.  You have not learned the lessons central to the story, so your mind is replaying it again and again hoping that the repetition will allow you to learn.  Yes, the mind is a relentless teacher.

Go where it is uncomfortable.  Acknowledge your responsibility.  Your pain.  Your shame. Your anger. Your fear.  Learn from it.  And then let it go.  When you face the emotions triggered by the past head-on and then release them, you will find that your Möbius strip unravels and allows you to move on and continue your adventure.

Above Lobbocks The narrowness of the singletra...




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8 thoughts on “Mobius Mind

    1. The future can definitely be a goal, a motivator, and an anti-depressant. It’s helpful to look forward to remind yourself that the present discomfort is only temporary. I know; however, that I have to be careful not to be too future-focused. I have a tendency to live there instead of the present. It’s all about balance:)

  1. great post and excellent comment from sociallyfitblog.

    I spent many hours, journaling, typing out the feelings that filled me. Eventually clarity would settle upon me.
    And yes, typing out what I wanted to be in the future, who I wanted to be with in the future, etc. …. all helped me.
    and being patient with myself, knowing that I would get thru that phase with the passage of time.
    The processing of enduring, the need for patience, were challenging to get thru; and all the time, wanting to be in a good relationship! But I knew I couldn’t, until I was healed. *** I don’t know of a good answer for getting thru that healing period–it’s just painful.

    One of my daughters, as I talked about how painful divorce was, replied, “Well Daddy, quit getting married then!”
    And then she quickly apologized. I told her she was right! And we both laughed.

    Thanks you two for your great input!

  2. I have enjoyed immensely reading your blog. As a writer I know you will understand if I am absent from making comments for a couple of months. I have two books I’m writing and the push is on to get them finished…so with only 24 hours in the day, I am going to continue to read and like, but my comments will be limited to replies for those who comment on my blog…thanks for the grace.

    Be encouraged!

  3. I like the Euler characteristic of zero….nothingness equals a positive value in relationship to an equal negative value….
    The beginning and the ending are ‘one’, in the same, space. In Rastafarian terms it is the “I am I” .
    A Mobius Strip must pocess width and depth to exist; the width and depth of the mind are in it’s character to forever deepen and broaden, expanding into the infinite nothingness of spaciousness for all to exist.

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