6 Reasons You’re Struggling to Move On After Divorce

You say that you want to move on, putting the divorce behind you and getting on with your life. You claim that you want to feel better, to stop crying and start living. Perhaps you even pronounce that you’re over your ex and that you’re ready to start looking for someone new.

 

Yet that desired progress isn’t happening.

 

The life you envision isn’t unfolding and instead, you find yourself stuck. Anchored in the muck and mire of the divorce. Not a member of your old life, yet not yet fully living in your new one.

 

It’s easy to make excuses for why you can’t seem to move on. You’re angry, and rightfully so, that your life plan turned out to written in disappearing ink. Maybe your ex cheated, stealing your ability to trust along with your imagined future. Perhaps your bank account is anemic and all of your energy has to go to replenishing its stores. You might have endured horrible court battles that wounded you and your children. You may be adjusting to life as a single parent or a sole breadwinner.

 

But those are all excuses, bindings that keep you lashed to the past. After all, it’s easier to say, “I can’t move on because of (insert favorite excuse here)” rather than shouldering the responsibility of moving on by yourself.

 

So, here is your metaphorical slap across the face. This is the advice you’ve needed to hear, but your friends and family are too nice to say it. But I’m not your friend. I’m someone who has been there, done that and now makes the T-shirts. I’m okay with making you a little angry if it helps to make you better.

 

I’m also not going to tell you to “get over it.” I find that phrase insulting and shortsighted, only uttered by people who have never felt a certain depth of pain or who prefer to bury it rather than address it. But even though there are some things you don’t just “get over,” you don’t have to let them hold you back.

Read how you’re getting in your own way and how to get out.
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9 responses to “6 Reasons You’re Struggling to Move On After Divorce

  1. Great advice, Lisa. I like to say moving on is done is small ways, a little bit each day. Until one day you notice your life has changed for the better and you’ve made that happen. Don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day of ‘wallowing’. It doesn’t mean you’re not getting there, slowly.

  2. Thank you, been there for three years, three months and ten days. Just messed up really big at work, did something stupid, out of character. Finally going back to therapy, and will tape this post up on my mirror. I have been feeling like a zombie, alive but dead inside. I owe it my kids, coworkers and to ME, to change things. Can’t keep living like this, thanks again for the wake up call

  3. I see my ex 2 or 3 times a week. We have a son who has autism and needs us both to work together. My ex is stepping up in a way he never did when we were together. He is turning into the man I wanted him to be. Logic tells me that all this is an indicator that being apart is good for us both. But my heart sees it as a reason to mourn further. I’ve started dreaming of him at night again. We’re less than 2 years out from the marriage. This may take awhile longer :/

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